Any Day Now

Any day now, I will be giving birth to our first child. As the day draws closer, I have several thoughts going through my head...

"How will I cope with labor?" i.e. "How much is this going to hurt?"

"Will I be able to give birth without an epidural?"

"What kind of personality is the baby going to have?"

"Will I ever sleep again?"

"Will I be an overbearing mother?"

These questions challenge a lot of pre-conceived ideas I've had floating around in my head for many years. When I was younger, I equated motherhood with weakness. In my mind, the strong woman went out and conquered a career and travelled the world and held her own place in life. I realize now that while a career takes a lot of ambition and strength, the real Super Woman is the mother. I think my new question is, "How do I maintain my own identity and some individuality while being a mother?" I understand motherhood to be very consuming, but I can also rest in the fact that it is what you make it to be. I believe many mothers in our society succumb to the stereotype that you have some babies, gain some weight, get frumpy, don't care about yourself anymore, and just do what you have to do to get through the day. I seriously don't think I could handle that - if that's what life's got in store for me now.

I still have dreams, I still have goals and desires in life. I want to make a difference in the world, and while I plan to do that through my children, I also want to do it on a larger scale as well. I'd like to write a book, or be a public speaker, or start some sort of counseling center and be its director.

It's a lot to think about and any day now, my mind and arms will be occupied with something brand new. This is exciting and daunting, all at the same time. The child is kicking me even as I type this.

I imagine the next time I post anything here, I'll be a mommy.
Wow.