Ripe
The last 7 days have been some of the most interesting, boring, and strange of my life. Last Monday I worked for 12 1/2 hours. By the time I got home around 9:30pm, I had started contracting (I was 39 weeks pregnant, precisely). It was fairly intense, but not terribly painful. Got in the bathtub. Tried to go to bed. Called the birthing unit to let them know what was going on, because at that point, we knew the baby to be breech, and with an impending scheduled c-section, we also knew that they didn't want me to get far into labor.
By midnight I felt like I was contracting more than I wasn't, so we packed up our stuff and headed for the hospital. They monitored the baby and the contractions, checked me for dilation, and decided they'd probably do the c-section that night, as they said I was contracting quite a bit.
By 2:00am, the OB came in to check the position of the baby by ultrasound, and immediately pronounced that it was head down! Our prayers had been answered! The baby flipped at the last minute! Amazing. I cried. I couldn't believe it. So, we went home and went to bed.
I stayed home from work on Tuesday with contractions pretty regular at 20 minutes apart. By evening they spaced out even further and I woke up on Wednesday morning with none.
Wednesday and Thursday were really boring. Very few contractions, and my emotional state was starting to deteriorate. Had a doctor's appointment Wednesday morning and he said he thought I had a 70% chance of going into labor on my own before my due date the next Monday. I thought that sounded good, and figured things would start ramping up any hour.
Friday came and I found myself having more contractions, and got hopeful again. Saturday came, same story: more contractions, mostly gone by bedtime. Now it's Sunday, and I'm simply planning on going to the hospital in the morning to have my doctor break the water. I just pray that things don't go wacky like they did last time.
This week has brought out a major issue in my life: friends. All my life I've had at least one best friend, and several close friends. Since my family is so small, there wasn't any emphasis on a closeness there; we never saw them that often, either. So, my friends have always been like my family. I've never had trouble making good friends wherever I've gone in life - the very first day of graduate school, I met my best friend, Kris, and we've continued to be close even though I moved away from the Twin Cities almost 5 years ago. One of my dearest friends lives in North Carolina, and we met when we were in elementary school. We're kindred spirits, like that nebulous "soul mate" that people always seem to be searching for, except of the friend variety, not the spousal variety.
Anyway, I've lived in the Fargo-Moorhead area now for almost 5 years (can't believe that) and while I've met some great people, and have some friends that I enjoy very much, I haven't found anyone that I feel I can just call up on a whim to chat about my day, or to talk to when I'm completely overwhelmed with life or my husband; someone who understands and listens and doesn't offer unsolicited advice. Now that we're in a smaller, more rural community, this issue in my life is much more exaggerated, as the women here seem to be even more unlike myself than any other place I've been in the last 10 years. They're great women, and I like being around them, but no one calls just to chat, or invites me/us over for dessert, or wants to go shopping or out for coffee. Yes, I've done the inviting, and they've responded very positively, but I don't always want to be the one doing the initiating, especially since I have to do that every single day in my marriage. I would like a mutual friendship, with someone who has similar interests and taste. I know my North Carolina friend is going through the same thing right now, so at least I know I'm not the only one, but it does make for some weird loneliness.
It's also brought up the issue of being a mom. It was something I never planned on doing or being. And while I love my son and my soon-to-be-born baby, I still want to be able to be me. I want to be able to leave the kids for an afternoon and 1) not feel guilty and 2) not feel pressured that I have to return at some certain time. I think I mourn my childless days to some extent. Finding balance in life is not always an easy thing to do.
At this point, I think I need ice cream.
By midnight I felt like I was contracting more than I wasn't, so we packed up our stuff and headed for the hospital. They monitored the baby and the contractions, checked me for dilation, and decided they'd probably do the c-section that night, as they said I was contracting quite a bit.
By 2:00am, the OB came in to check the position of the baby by ultrasound, and immediately pronounced that it was head down! Our prayers had been answered! The baby flipped at the last minute! Amazing. I cried. I couldn't believe it. So, we went home and went to bed.
I stayed home from work on Tuesday with contractions pretty regular at 20 minutes apart. By evening they spaced out even further and I woke up on Wednesday morning with none.
Wednesday and Thursday were really boring. Very few contractions, and my emotional state was starting to deteriorate. Had a doctor's appointment Wednesday morning and he said he thought I had a 70% chance of going into labor on my own before my due date the next Monday. I thought that sounded good, and figured things would start ramping up any hour.
Friday came and I found myself having more contractions, and got hopeful again. Saturday came, same story: more contractions, mostly gone by bedtime. Now it's Sunday, and I'm simply planning on going to the hospital in the morning to have my doctor break the water. I just pray that things don't go wacky like they did last time.
This week has brought out a major issue in my life: friends. All my life I've had at least one best friend, and several close friends. Since my family is so small, there wasn't any emphasis on a closeness there; we never saw them that often, either. So, my friends have always been like my family. I've never had trouble making good friends wherever I've gone in life - the very first day of graduate school, I met my best friend, Kris, and we've continued to be close even though I moved away from the Twin Cities almost 5 years ago. One of my dearest friends lives in North Carolina, and we met when we were in elementary school. We're kindred spirits, like that nebulous "soul mate" that people always seem to be searching for, except of the friend variety, not the spousal variety.
Anyway, I've lived in the Fargo-Moorhead area now for almost 5 years (can't believe that) and while I've met some great people, and have some friends that I enjoy very much, I haven't found anyone that I feel I can just call up on a whim to chat about my day, or to talk to when I'm completely overwhelmed with life or my husband; someone who understands and listens and doesn't offer unsolicited advice. Now that we're in a smaller, more rural community, this issue in my life is much more exaggerated, as the women here seem to be even more unlike myself than any other place I've been in the last 10 years. They're great women, and I like being around them, but no one calls just to chat, or invites me/us over for dessert, or wants to go shopping or out for coffee. Yes, I've done the inviting, and they've responded very positively, but I don't always want to be the one doing the initiating, especially since I have to do that every single day in my marriage. I would like a mutual friendship, with someone who has similar interests and taste. I know my North Carolina friend is going through the same thing right now, so at least I know I'm not the only one, but it does make for some weird loneliness.
It's also brought up the issue of being a mom. It was something I never planned on doing or being. And while I love my son and my soon-to-be-born baby, I still want to be able to be me. I want to be able to leave the kids for an afternoon and 1) not feel guilty and 2) not feel pressured that I have to return at some certain time. I think I mourn my childless days to some extent. Finding balance in life is not always an easy thing to do.
At this point, I think I need ice cream.
posted by Heather | 9:35 AM
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