I WANT MY BODY BACK, DAMMIT!!!!!!!
I'm really ticked off. My son is going to be 9 months old in one week, and I am no closer to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes than I was in August. AUGUST!
Now, I accept full responsibility for the fact that I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy. I, also, accept full responsibility that I chose for several months not to work on losing the weight.
The problem is that now I'm working on it, it just doesn't seem to be happening. I had this idea that pregnancy weight was "special" weight. Weight that would come off on its own after the baby was born.
WHAT CRAZY CRAP UNIVERSE WAS I LIVING IN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I am also bummed by the fact that I thought the baby weight would come off while nursing. Since that never happened for me, it "should" be a lost cause for me to even think about. But I still do, sometimes. It still makes me sad sometimes. It even makes me feel like less of a mother sometimes.
I just wish I could wear my old clothes.
I wish I could go out and buy new, fun, bright, springy clothes that are in the stores right now. But I won't let myself, because I am determined to not continue to be this size for very much longer.
Except, I'm really afraid that I'm never, ever going to lose this weight. I'm afraid that those clothes are just going to hang in my closet, until I admit final defeat, and take them all to the second hand store. I'm afraid that I'm never going to be able to buy new clothes again, that I'm never going to be able to feel good about my body again.
I keep thinking, "Soon....soon, I'll be able to get back into my old clothes." Except the months keep passing....
There's another issue: inside my closet lives more than one size of clothing. After we moved to Fargo in 2005, I put on a few pounds that necessitated going up a size. Then, about a year later, same thing.
The event prompting this ranting happened this morning. I had dropped a couple pounds last week, which made me very happy. However, since then I've gotten a little bug and haven't been eating a whole lot as my stomach isn't feeling up to par. So, when I got on the scale this morning, you can imagine my surprise when I was a full FIVE pounds heavier than I was just one week ago. Apparently this bug I acquired must be making me retain water, or something, because there simply is no other explanation. AND, I don't care if that is the explanation for the jump in weight, it still was very upsetting.
WAH.
Thus ends the rant.
Now, I accept full responsibility for the fact that I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy. I, also, accept full responsibility that I chose for several months not to work on losing the weight.
The problem is that now I'm working on it, it just doesn't seem to be happening. I had this idea that pregnancy weight was "special" weight. Weight that would come off on its own after the baby was born.
WHAT CRAZY CRAP UNIVERSE WAS I LIVING IN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I am also bummed by the fact that I thought the baby weight would come off while nursing. Since that never happened for me, it "should" be a lost cause for me to even think about. But I still do, sometimes. It still makes me sad sometimes. It even makes me feel like less of a mother sometimes.
I just wish I could wear my old clothes.
I wish I could go out and buy new, fun, bright, springy clothes that are in the stores right now. But I won't let myself, because I am determined to not continue to be this size for very much longer.
Except, I'm really afraid that I'm never, ever going to lose this weight. I'm afraid that those clothes are just going to hang in my closet, until I admit final defeat, and take them all to the second hand store. I'm afraid that I'm never going to be able to buy new clothes again, that I'm never going to be able to feel good about my body again.
I keep thinking, "Soon....soon, I'll be able to get back into my old clothes." Except the months keep passing....
There's another issue: inside my closet lives more than one size of clothing. After we moved to Fargo in 2005, I put on a few pounds that necessitated going up a size. Then, about a year later, same thing.
The event prompting this ranting happened this morning. I had dropped a couple pounds last week, which made me very happy. However, since then I've gotten a little bug and haven't been eating a whole lot as my stomach isn't feeling up to par. So, when I got on the scale this morning, you can imagine my surprise when I was a full FIVE pounds heavier than I was just one week ago. Apparently this bug I acquired must be making me retain water, or something, because there simply is no other explanation. AND, I don't care if that is the explanation for the jump in weight, it still was very upsetting.
WAH.
Thus ends the rant.
posted by Heather | 7:55 PM
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