Let the Games Begin!

Here I am! It's been over a week since I've written, and I didn't even notice the time go by! It's so new and strange to be working full time again! And actually, I'm working more than full time...let's see, probably 45 hours, which isn't terrible. I'm having to adjust my regular daily activities - I was cooking at 11:00 pm last night so that I'd have lunch today! Haven't gotten home before 10 pm the past two nights, but the late nights were because of social outings, rather than work. I'm glad to be productive and busy again. It feels good. It's too bad that my poor hubby is sitting at home, unemployed, for the time being.

Let's see...last night we went to Kevin and Danae's apartment for supper and to watch American Idol. I missed the first three contesants - I was sad to miss Lakisha. Anyway, I really wished I had missed Sanjaya. He's just RIDICULOUS! I'm embarassed for him! The hair last night was abominable, and his performance was SO high school talent show that he shouldn't even be there at all. It's really amazing that he did so well in the early parts of the competition, yet is failing so miserably now. It's just ridiculous. I can just see him winning, however, and then some poor record company has to give him a record deal, and nobody buys it. I sure as heck won't!

Monday night was knitting with Erin and Kiersten. We had a really good conversation about relationship with God and devotional lives and prayer and church and, and, and...it was good. Sometimes it's just good to bounce your thoughts and frustrations and struggles around with other people, and it seems that since we've left the Seminary, we haven't had as much of a chance to do that, which is probably only to be expected. Sometimes you just need a perspective.

Tonight is Belly Dancing, which I really enjoy, but would rather stay home tonight, since I've been gone so much already this week.

We're trying to make decisions about jobs and businesses and life and all that crap. Husband has been offered a job at NDSU, but it pays crap, and there's no room for advancement or raises, because it's all grant monies. And if he took it, and we signed me up for benefits with the University, we'd be paying another $5,000 for me to have insurance, which brings his salary down to about $10 per hour. Not good. And I just can't see taking the job just because it's a job and it's there. I guess I'm not one to go do just anything for the sake of doing something. Maybe that's wrong, but that's how I am. He's going to be checking the business opportunity out in more detail Friday, so I think he'll be able to make a better decision about all of this once he has more info on the business opp. I guess the bottom line for me is this: For once in my life, I'd like to get ahead! The job at NDSU just won't allow us to do that. But the risks we'd take with starting a business are scary. I just don't know.

Some evil person brought springtime cupcakes to work today. They've got the green colored coconut on top with three jelly bean eggs. Yum.

I don't think my email is working. I haven't received an email in about 5 hours, and that's really strange. I can't remember going more than a couple hours without receiving email! That's right - I'm an addict. It's true.

It's a rainy, windy, cold day here in Fargo today. Not much enjoying that. Soaked my pant legs walking around this morning.

All for now. Over and out.

Unfortunate Bathroom Location

I am currently sitting at the front desk for my little afternoon receptionist job, which is in very close proximity to the bathrooms and it smells badly. Pooping is such an unfortunate thing that humans have to do. I wonder why God made it so that it smells badly. Couldn't he have made it so that it has no odor at all? Or even maybe a pleasant odor? I also think it's funny that your pee smells after you eat asparagus. And don't beets turn your pee red? I remember once as a small child that we had grown some beets in our garden and ate them for supper. Afterwords, my dad's pee was red, and mom was all worried that he was dying! Okay, that was probably TMI.

This week marks the end of my easy schedule life. I'm actually going to have to get up in the morning. Imagine that. It's actually going to be pretty crazy - I'm going to be working 8-11:30 at Make a Sound Choice, 12:00-5:00pm at FLCS, and Monday and Tuesday evenings doing therapy. Monday nights is also knitting night, so I will be gone from 8:00 am till probably 10:00 or 10:30 pm on Mondays now. That's going to be crazy! And Tuesdays will be only slightly better. But, I'm not complaining, I'm just realizing that this is happening, like, this week. I'm actually kind of excited.

I'm also hoping to be able to drop my private practice. Last week I didn't have any clients, and I was a happy camper. This week I have a lot, and I'm totally dreading it. There's a couple people I don't mind seeing - women who come in just to talk and reflect and ask for suggestions on being healthy. That's easy and fun. But when it's the we're-going-to-get-a-divorce-unless-you-help-us people, I'd rather be doing something else. I was talking to a couple from our small group; he's in medical school, and his current rotation is inpatient peds. He hates it. What he's noticed is that so much of the problem seems to be socioeconomic status. It's the kids who live in dirty houses, whose parents don't know how to take care of them, who smoke even though the children have asthma, or who give the kids pop and chicken McNuggets when they're sick when they should be giving them chicken noodle soup and orange juice...they're the ones who end up in the hospital. Anyway, he's experienced parents who won't bring their children into the hospital for CHEMOTHERAPY, so the hospital has to send the sherriff. I asked him how he deals with it personally. He says he just does what he has to do and sends them on to the next person. He says that he can't care about them or he wouldn't sleep at night.

I see myself in much the same position. There's times when I have dreams about my clients, because their situations concern me so much. I have to stop caring. Isn't that sad? Maybe that's just how it is. It's a job; it's a service. I can't give myself to them. I can't come into their lives and fix them.

My point, however, is to get involved in the speaking arena and be traveling the country talking to teens and teachers and parents about abstinence and relationships and sex. I want that to be my focus. I just don't think I was made to be a therapist.

I was watching the Food Network this morning while I was getting ready, and Bobby Flay was doing his Boy Meets Grill show. He was doing a vegetarian menu. At the beginning of the show, he was shopping at the green market in NYC. Then he went to his rooftop garden and was grilling everything - veggie pizza (he grilled the pizza dough, which I thought looked wonderful), apricots with chocolate and almonds (I've got to remember that one!) and some kind of salad. Anyway, I thought to myself, "What a life!" He gets to cook for a living. He owns 3 restaurants in NYC, he has a couple shows on the Food Network, and he gets to go shopping at the farmer's markets anytime he wants. It just seemed like such a charmed life. I always dreamed I'd have a cool life like that, but then I became a Christian and decided that I needed to serve others rather than myself. I was going to be a professional musician...live in NYC, too...travel the world...have an apartment in Paris...play with NY Phil.... They were pretty grand dreams. Sometimes I look back and wonder...what if? Honestly, I could still do it. I could pull the old French Horn out and oil the valves, and spend the next 6 months practicing and getting the old chops back in shape and audition for something. But the competition is fierce, and it's that competition that makes me crazy - it used to drive me. I loved the competition, because I was always the best, but then, after while, I wasn't the best anymore, and that was hard. I don't know if I gave up, or if I really was interested in something else. Sometimes I wonder how such a dedicated and accomplished young musician could give it all up and become a therapist. I guess by the time I stopped, I wasn't so dedicated anymore. When you're a musician, it's really who you are - it's in your soul and in your whole being. So how was it that I don't do it anymore? It was really fun while I was doing it, though. I traveled, and was really making something for myself in college. I guess if I was dedicated, I wouldn't have quit. However, I don't regret my training as an MFT, that's for sure. I wouldn't be the person I am today with out it. Hmmm....memories.

Life is a crazy thing. There's so many twists and turns, good decisions and bad ones. Detours, road blocks, short cuts and freeways. Do you ever get to a place where you can just coast for a while? I suppose that happens from time to time. It seems that while I was growing up my parents had a pretty easy go of things. Sure, there was never enough money, but they were never worried about changing jobs, or moving, or fulfilling dreams. I wonder what the difference is between me and them? Ah, I take that back. After my dad became a Christian, he wanted to go to Seminary and become a pastor, and my mom and I put the kabosh on it as soon as the words came out of his mouth. I actually feel pretty bad about that, looking back. Maybe they didn't have dreams? That hardly seems possible. Maybe they were just smaller dreams. Who knows. I do know that my mother told me once that I am her purpose in life and her reason for living. That's kind of heavy duty, but I think I understand the essence of what she meant.

Well, that got rather philosophical. It's been a long weekend and a long Monday, that's only half over. I'm thinking of moving to France.

The Weary Traveller

Well, maybe I'm not all that weary, but yesterday husband and I went to Iowa to pick up a free car. He was going to rent a car and drive down but when we called to get the car Monday morning they were all out. I decided to go with him and we left at 8:30 am, drove to Mason City, Iowa, had a Coke with Dad and Aunt Margaret for about half an hour, and headed back up north. We hit the Twin Cities right at rush hour, but only had about 5 minutes of gridlock before we hopped off 494 to get a Jamba Juice with our friend Mike. We stayed at Jamba for about an hour, and that was just the right amount of time that it took for traffic to let up, and we drove right out of town with no problem. We arrived home at 9:45pm. It was a long day. But now we have a second vehicle, and we're pretty happy with ourselves for being frugal!

For those of you who thought I was going to Chicago this week, well, I was. Until last Thursday. Last Thursday and Friday I attended some training for my new job. I don't think I've mentioned that here. I got another part time job, and I'm really, really excited about it. I'm working for a program here in Fargo that trains teachers to implement an abstinence program in the schools. My position is Educator Supervisor. I'll be evaluating the teachers to make sure they're complying with the guidelines in the grant. It's a government funded program, and it amazing. I listened to Shelly Donahue from Wait Training out of Colorado on Thursday and my heart was immediately ablaze with passion for this program. I feel like it was one of those "A ha!" moments in life where you suddenly realize what you were created to do. I am pursuing Shelly now to see what the possibility is of coming on staff with her and her co-founder. My goal is to travel the country, speaking in schools and with parents about the issues surrounding abstinence and good relationship skills for teens, as well as to write a book, possibly for parents about how to raise sexually healthy children. The program is so amazing. So, Thursday night I realized that I need to FOCUS. If I'm going to pursue this with all my heart, I should probably not attend the play therapy training this week. Not to mention that charging about $2,000 on a credit card to attend the training when my husband just quit his job is probably not a good idea. So, I cancelled. I feel good about it. I was looking forward to this adventure, but when I look at where I could be going in the next months or years, I'm not disappointed at all.

My best friend, Kris, came up from the Cities to visit me last weekend and we had a grand time! Friday night she got in rather late, after sitting in traffic on 694 for a while, then having to stop for supper and sitting in the drive-thru line at Culvers for over 15 minutes. She was not a happy camper! But, we rented a chick flick that turned out to be really dull, and knit on Friday night. We also had our popcorn with Reese's Pieces and Diet Coke, which is our little ritual. Saturday we started the day with a quick trip to Target, then breakfast at Nichole's Fine Pastry, which was delicioso. We hit the fun little shops downtown Fargo, went to Moorhead to My Best Friend's Closet, where I must have been bitten by something because my lip swelled up like I was Angelina Jolie, and then went to the mall and Old Navy. We also stopped by Carol Widman's for some Chippers! It was a good day. We had a light supper at Taco John's, and then spent the evening knitting and watching a bit of TV. Sunday morning we had a quick breakfast at Starbucks, and then she headed for home. It was a really fun weekend. Gotta love girl time!

Some friends of ours are due to have their baby on Saturday! They're having a boy. Everyone I know who is pregnant right now is having a boy - Evans', Sundberg's, and Hines'! It's crazy! Speaking of that, I was invited to go to my friend, Dawn's, baby shower in April in the Cities. I can't wait to see the bump in person!

I believe that ends the news for the past week. I shall sign off for now.

To the Moron Who Stole My Amazon.com Order

Dear Moron,

I hope you enjoy my Michael Buble, Josh Groban, and Norah Jones CD's. They were a gift to me from my aunt. Merry Christmas to you! I hope you feel good about having taken someone else's present, someone else's enjoyment, someone else's property. They were not yours!

While you listen to them (or sell them, which is probably more likely), I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpit hair.

Sincerely,

Ticked Off