To the Moron Who Stole My Amazon.com Order

Dear Moron,

I hope you enjoy my Michael Buble, Josh Groban, and Norah Jones CD's. They were a gift to me from my aunt. Merry Christmas to you! I hope you feel good about having taken someone else's present, someone else's enjoyment, someone else's property. They were not yours!

While you listen to them (or sell them, which is probably more likely), I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpit hair.

Sincerely,

Ticked Off