Tired of Vanilla
Vanilla: "Lacking adornments or special features; basic or ordinary"
I'm tired of vanilla. I'm tired of being vanilla. I'm tired of a vanilla life. My life is vanilla in more than one way.
The first type of vanilla that I am tired of is the puckered-up, stoic, stubborn Norwegian environment in which I live. It's sucking the life out of me! People don't want to talk about their problems, they can't forgive people, they don't want to go to counseling when they need it. It's very frustrating for a therapist (and a German).
The second type of vanilla that I am tired of is the vanilla-skinned atmosphere in which I live. We're all very, very white here in Fargo, North Dakota.
The third type of vanilla that I am tired of is my life. The past 17 months of my life have been extraordinarily odd. I'm used to being busy and being involved in everything, trying to suck as much out of life as I can. I don't know if it's me or what, but that hasn't happened here for me. Not that I want to be busy for the sake of being busy, but I'd like to be involved, and taking part in life! The funny thing is that I AM involved here...knitting, BSF, church, small groups, YMCA (even though I've taken a small hiatus). I guess I still haven't gotten used to the fact that I'm not working 40 hours a week, plus going to grad school full time with all the homework to do, and then doing worship team at church and leading small groups all at the same time. I guess maybe it's okay to have a little extra free time. I guess when you get used to a certain way of life, it kind of sticks!
I think I know what's missing, though...
...
I began reading a book (I just typed "boog") entiteld, "Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairytale World" by Nicole Johnson. She's one of the Women of Faith girls. It's a good book (I just did it again - typed "boog!"- I wonder what type of Freudian slip that is...) and it speaks to the way that women deal with reality, the fairytales that we read and believed as little girls, and that the ultimate fairytale is really true - Jesus Christ came to woo us to his side, his bride. Good stuff.
I also gave my husband the ultimatum last night. I told him he must start applying for youth pastor jobs, no matter where they are. There happen to be several in Iowa that are quite appealing. I never realized what a nice city Sioux City is - it's bigger than Fargo/Moorhead! Impressive. It's a long jont from there to the T.C's, though, so that would be a bummer, cause part of the road is two-lane, from the looks of it. Sioux City is directly south of Fargo, in I-29, about 4.5 hours, according to Mapquest. You know what SOUTH means!!! Warmer weather! I'm all for that. But, this happened because I was cleaning last night after we came home from the Super Bowl party and was thinking that what we're doing now CANNOT continue. It's killing Chris; it's killing me; it's killing us. I refuse to live this way anymore and I refuse to watch Chris waste his gifts, and talent and education doing his manual labor job ANYMORE. I've decided that I can set up shop pretty much anywhere, so it's Chris that needs to find the job in order for us to settle. I don't know what all this will end up meaning. I'm not counting on anything. I just know that he has to do this, and it's time to shit or get off the pot!
So there!
Today is my dad's 62nd birthday. He's already been retired for 6 months. He's living the good life. He sits at home in his chair and reads a book all day long. That's the good life, in his eyes. He told me a long time ago that he's always wanted to be a hermit. I find this amusing. Now, he is kind of a hermit!
When I got on the computer this morning at 8:45, the Weather Bug said it was -22. That's disgusting. DISGUSTING.
Well, I guess it's time to go for now.
I'm tired of vanilla. I'm tired of being vanilla. I'm tired of a vanilla life. My life is vanilla in more than one way.
The first type of vanilla that I am tired of is the puckered-up, stoic, stubborn Norwegian environment in which I live. It's sucking the life out of me! People don't want to talk about their problems, they can't forgive people, they don't want to go to counseling when they need it. It's very frustrating for a therapist (and a German).
The second type of vanilla that I am tired of is the vanilla-skinned atmosphere in which I live. We're all very, very white here in Fargo, North Dakota.
The third type of vanilla that I am tired of is my life. The past 17 months of my life have been extraordinarily odd. I'm used to being busy and being involved in everything, trying to suck as much out of life as I can. I don't know if it's me or what, but that hasn't happened here for me. Not that I want to be busy for the sake of being busy, but I'd like to be involved, and taking part in life! The funny thing is that I AM involved here...knitting, BSF, church, small groups, YMCA (even though I've taken a small hiatus). I guess I still haven't gotten used to the fact that I'm not working 40 hours a week, plus going to grad school full time with all the homework to do, and then doing worship team at church and leading small groups all at the same time. I guess maybe it's okay to have a little extra free time. I guess when you get used to a certain way of life, it kind of sticks!
I think I know what's missing, though...
...
I began reading a book (I just typed "boog") entiteld, "Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairytale World" by Nicole Johnson. She's one of the Women of Faith girls. It's a good book (I just did it again - typed "boog!"- I wonder what type of Freudian slip that is...) and it speaks to the way that women deal with reality, the fairytales that we read and believed as little girls, and that the ultimate fairytale is really true - Jesus Christ came to woo us to his side, his bride. Good stuff.
I also gave my husband the ultimatum last night. I told him he must start applying for youth pastor jobs, no matter where they are. There happen to be several in Iowa that are quite appealing. I never realized what a nice city Sioux City is - it's bigger than Fargo/Moorhead! Impressive. It's a long jont from there to the T.C's, though, so that would be a bummer, cause part of the road is two-lane, from the looks of it. Sioux City is directly south of Fargo, in I-29, about 4.5 hours, according to Mapquest. You know what SOUTH means!!! Warmer weather! I'm all for that. But, this happened because I was cleaning last night after we came home from the Super Bowl party and was thinking that what we're doing now CANNOT continue. It's killing Chris; it's killing me; it's killing us. I refuse to live this way anymore and I refuse to watch Chris waste his gifts, and talent and education doing his manual labor job ANYMORE. I've decided that I can set up shop pretty much anywhere, so it's Chris that needs to find the job in order for us to settle. I don't know what all this will end up meaning. I'm not counting on anything. I just know that he has to do this, and it's time to shit or get off the pot!
So there!
Today is my dad's 62nd birthday. He's already been retired for 6 months. He's living the good life. He sits at home in his chair and reads a book all day long. That's the good life, in his eyes. He told me a long time ago that he's always wanted to be a hermit. I find this amusing. Now, he is kind of a hermit!
When I got on the computer this morning at 8:45, the Weather Bug said it was -22. That's disgusting. DISGUSTING.
Well, I guess it's time to go for now.
posted by Heather | 11:48 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home