Newness

I haven't posted in a while, and the funny thing is that the other blogs I watch haven't been updated in a long time, either. Must be the weather. (???)

As my post is titled, "Newness," I want to say that things are looking good. I was offered a new position on Monday that I immediately accepted. I'll be working with teachers who are teaching abstinence in the school systems. It's a government-funded program, and it's really solid. I'm so looking forward to this job. Unfortunately, I won't be very busy until this fall. Apparently there are only one or two schools implementing the program this spring, but upwards of 17 or more in the fall. So, in September, or maybe even before, I will be able to quit my afternoon desk job to be able to have more time to do this! I'm super excited. It's going to be great experience and a wonderful thing to have on my resume, especially since I'm very interested in pursuing this topic further, possibly in the arena of writing a book or curriculum, or some such thing. My ultimate goal is to make it onto the Today Show with whatever I do. I'm not kidding.

Chris has a few resumes out right now, but the thing he really, really wants to do (youth pastoring, of course) probably won't be available until May or June. Really, that's not a long time from now, but it would be nice if it happened sooner. I guess I've been skeptical about him getting this position, because he's been out of the ministry for a couple years, but I just know that I've really got to trust God on this one. The way I see it, as a human, this would be the absolute perfect job for Chris, and from what we've heard, the benefits are amazing, as well. So it would be double blessing.

Another happy thing is that I changed my diet up last week to include only fruits, vegetables, non-fat dairy products, lean meats, and whole grains, and in only 6 days, my clothes are fitting better. I haven't been able to up the exercise yet, but I've been drinking more water, which is definitely good, and I hope in a week or two, to be able to take up swing dancing, to add to my new belly dancing lessons, and that with the both of them I will enhance my weight loss efforts.

My in-laws are coming to town next week. Mother-in-law is having her knee replaced. Apparently after the incident we had a few weeks ago, my point was made, as they have arranged for a hotel room the night before the surgery, and have already made plans to have my father-in-law stay with my brother-in-law a couple nights. Husband invited father-in-law to stay with us a couple nights, too, which, honestly, doesn't bother me...for three reasons. The first reason is that the trip is very necessary. Mother-in-law can hardly walk, and she's been like that since long before I met her over 3 years ago. Secondly, since father-in-law made arrangements to stay with brother-in-law, I don't feel so imposed upon - see, we moved to Fargo a week before our nephew was born, and so the inlaws stayed with us 3 times the first three weeks we lived here. I do understand that they wanted to come to the hospital and see the baby. Fine. Not a problem. And I also understand that prior to our moving here, brother-in-law and sister-in-law had the burden fully on them for hosting the family. However, when we moved here, the burden was shifted SOLELY to us. And, again, I do understand that the first 6-8 months that the nephew was around I'm sure they didn't want to bother the little family. However, had m & f -in-law even attempted to stay with them even a few times during this past year (the child is now a year and a half) I wouldn't be half as irritated as I am. The third reason that I'm okay with this visit is that it's only father-in-law. I can handle him much better than I can handle his wife. Anyway, that was a lot of babbling, and half of it probably didn't even make sense. Whatever. It's just another episode in the in-law battle. I'm scared what's going to happen when we finally have kids...

Back at the ranch...my parents are finalizing the sale of their farmland tomorrow. It's only about 40 acres, but I think it's going to be weird that the land isn't ours anymore. It's also bittersweet because that land was going to be mine someday, but my parents really need the income for their retirement. And, considering the amount of money land is going for in Iowa, it's a wise sell. And I guess you've got to figure that "you can't take it with you." Apparently they're going to get my dad a Buick Park Avenue, which is something he's wanted forever. Strange, I know. They're also going to take a trip to Florida in August. After that they're going to revisit the idea of moving to Fargo. I guess I am of two opinions concerning that matter. First, if we have kids, I think I would really like my parents close because I grew up without grandparents for all practical purposes, and really feel like I missed out on a special family relationship. It would also be nice to have them around for childcare reasons. My second opinion is that I would like to NOT have to put my parents in a nursing home if it were ever to come down to that. If they were close, it could probably be avoided more readily than if they were still living in Iowa. So, we'll see.

More to ramble about....this morning in BSF, the lecture included a brief (very brief) overview of the 4 different ideas concerning the end times, the second coming of Christ, and the tribulation - Premillenialism, Dispensationalism, Amillenialism, and Postmillenialism. The overview really did little to help me sort the four out, but it reminded me that I find the topic interesting and may do some research on it in the near future.

Oh...it's only 3:05... I don't have much to do at work today. I did it all the first hour and a half I was here. I guess I'm really not complaining. It allows me to write in my blog. And balance my checkbook. And make fliers for counseling. And call the pharmacy for a refill. And...

Unfortunately, I have to go to Wal Mart after work tonight. There are few pharmacies on this side of town, and the one I usually go to, which is located inside my grocery store, always used to be out of what I needed, so I decided that since my current Rx is a little on the strange side, I'd go straight to Wal Mart instead of dealing with the whole waiting game. I hate Wal Mart. It's dirty and more impersonal than any other store in the world. It's the epitome of everything that is going wrong with America, as far as I am concerned. I go there as little as humanly possible. Husband loves Wal Mart. Luckily he does very little shopping, so my trips there with him are few. Blech.

How much more can I ramble on?

Ah yes. I'm a die-hard American Idol fan. When it first came out, I was sure it had something to do with the mark of the Beast, and I refused to watch it. My second year of seminary, when the depression hit and all I could do was watch TV, I started watching it. Last year, I started voting. This year, I'm voting again. I love Chris Sligh. He's so funny, and he's got a great voice. He's the kind of person I hung out with in high school. Yes, I was one of the weirdos...a band nerd...I listened to classical music every day...I was President of French Club... Anyway, I'm rooting for the guy with the personality. I like people like Chris. He's not afraid to be unique and I admire that in people. I used to be more like that myself. I can't wait to see the girls perform tonight.

Well, I think I have exhausted my useless information for the day. I do love blogging. I don't care if I don't have the most exciting news or events or anything. It's just fun to type and get your thoughts out on the screen. I am sure that it will lead me to write a book soon. I can feel one brewing inside of me!

A Veritable Cornucopia of Useless Information

The title refers to my high school French teacher, who once told us that's what his friends called him. I like the words veritable and cornucopia, so I decided I like the title.

It's been a good week. I had some good therapy clients this week, and was busier at my other job, which is a nice change. It's been SO boring lately...there's been very little to do. The week before, I think I may have done 2 or 3 hours of ACTUAL work, out of 24 hours that I was here. Oh well. What can a girl do? So, it's nice to have been busier.

I just signed up and paid my $675 for a training workshop in Chicago that I'm attending in March. Luckily I have frequent flier miles so my plane ticket will be free. The only thing I'm hesitant about concerning this training is actually GETTING there. I'm a horrible flier. I used to have to take tranquillizers! Not cool. They didn't even help that much. And do you know what's funny? I'm always worse on the way home than I am on the way there. And what's even more funny? I LOVE to travel. I would vacation all the time if I had the money. It's just the plane stuff that I hate, but I must get over my fear, because I refuse to allow fear to dictate my life!

I Tivo'd Oprah from Monday. I'm sure many of you know what she was talking about. She had this woman from New Zealand who created this new DVD called, "The Secret," and several of her cronies were with her. The message of The Secret has to do with the Law of Attraction, which I don't know a ton about, but I understand that we all have an energy, so to speak, that we emit, and because of this energy (it can be the expression on our face, the things we say, our posture, etc.) we attract certain things to us. Take myself for example. I've been kind of Eeyore-ish lately. The cloud is always following me around. Well, that's what I've been getting out of life - clouds. After watching this show, I actually decided to change my attitude, which has always been a problem for me, from conception, and you know something interesting? I got a job interview today! And it's for something that I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, and I could tell the woman was SUPER pumped about interviewing me. She even complimented my column that I write for the West Fargo paper. Now, I'm not saying that it was the power of positive thinking that got me the interview, but I do think it was a funny coincidence. Of course, the people from The Secret would say there is no such thing as coincidence. Basically this isn't a new message - I've heard it before in singles books - you attract what you project (if you're happy, you attract happy people, if you're critical, you attract critical people, etc.) Before I get a barrage of my Christian friends telling me I'm crazy, let me say this: I think what they're saying has a lot of validity to it. They, however, have taken it a little to the extreme, and one guy has basically made a religion out of it (Dr. Reverend Michael Beckwith, to be precise). Anyway, I think it does have some good points to make and it gave me the little kick in the pants that I needed! So, I'm glad for that.

I also found out today that I must regroup and rethink my dieting/fitness plan. I have gained yet another 3 pounds, and I am now only 4 pounds from my ALL TIME HIGHEST weight. I am NOT pleased. The funny thing is, I'm not eating any more than I ever have, so I'm afraid it's a combination of lack of exercise and some meds I'm on. That said, I'm starting belly dancing next week! I'm pretty excited about that. I discovered that dancing is good exercise a few weeks ago when we went salsa dancing and I figure if I can sweat while enjoying myself, and not hating every moment of the exercise I'm doing, then I'm going to go for it!

Well, it is time to go home. We are having friends over for dinner tonight, and I must go to the grocery store (Hornbacher's! HA! I think that name is hilarious!) and get the fixin's!

Bathroom Thoughts

I had to chuckle to myself as I thought about the title of this post. The pastor who married us asked beforehand if we had any requests or restrictions for him in terms of what he could say as he spoke at the wedding. I made it very clear that I wanted no jokes and no funny business. I always think that pastors who begin the wedding ceremony with a joke have no class whatsoever - it's a WEDDING! Get a clue! Anyway, as Sid opened his mouth and the words, "Today I want to talk about something I read on a poster in the bathroom today before the ceremony. I'll call it Bathroom Theology," I nearly died. You can see my expression on the video tape - my eyes widen and my chin drops ever so slightly. Anyway...I just had a thought in the bathroom, and since this isn't a wedding ceremony, I felt it appropriate to title my blog by my epiphany.

As you know, my dear husband and I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster since he graduated from seminary, back in June of 2005. We've been in Fargo now for 17 months with only ONE job prospect for said husband, and it has yet to become an actual position. Anyway, I keep having these thoughts, "If only Chris could find the right job. If only I could find a better paying job. If only we could buy a house. If only we could buy a truck for Chris. If only, if only, if only...." And I never thought of myself as a person who bases their happiness on material things, but I was suddenly struck, in the bathroom as it were, that I'm putting my hope in our jobs. My hope is not in Jesus Christ and his death on the cross, where it should be. My hope is on our job situations! I think about this more than I think about anything else, even God. (Except, maybe, to be mad at God for not fixing this whole strange arrangement, and for blaming him for allowing me to move to FARGO!!) I constantly compare our life to everyone else's life, which, of course, looks so much better and happier than ours.

What would it mean to take my hope off our jobs (or the idea of having the perfect job)? All my life I've been confident of my abilities. I could almost always secure exactly what I wanted for myself. That's not the case anymore. I wonder why it was so easy before, but now it's not. I don't really know what's different. I guess I'm in a different bracket than I used to be. I suppose there's a big difference between being chosen for first chair in the All State Orchestra and getting a professional job. Anyway...that's beside the point.

At what point do I stop putting my hope in our jobs? I suppose it should be right this second, because this hope is not paying off at all, and it's misplaced. Now, while it's okay to hope for things - I still hope that we get into better situations - I have to stop staking my future happiness (or present happiness) and my dreams and my life in the things we can attain or achieve. What if God is allowing this burp in our lives to happen to teach us to put our hope in him? I'd say that I'm pretty dense, because it's been a long time, and I haven't learned it yet! Plus, I'm doing the exact opposite: I'm doubting him and blaming him and getting angry with him and giving him the silent treatment. This really hasn't gotten me far. I'd say it's put me back...a lot.

So, what now? It seems like it could be a very freeing thing to stop placing my hope in myself, since that is essentially what I'm doing. I guess in our world, we have to place our hope in something and these days you can't depend on other people too much so it might as well be yourself, right? Problem is, I'm not of the world. That means I can't live that way. I've been given a higher calling.

I'll let'cha know how it goes...

I think this must be part of the refining process that we go through as Christians, and for me, this is a particularly hard area. All of my heathen life (age 0-19), I grew up being told I could do and be anything I want. This was a kind of salvation for me, coming from a fairly poor, lower middle class family. I always knew I was going to rise above my upbringing and achieve and do the things my parents didn't do. The funny thing is, I've not done that, in any way, shape or form, at least vocationally or financially. And, in case you've forgotten, I'm going to be 30 this year... hee hee...

Hmmm...

Tired of Vanilla

Vanilla: "Lacking adornments or special features; basic or ordinary"

I'm tired of vanilla. I'm tired of being vanilla. I'm tired of a vanilla life. My life is vanilla in more than one way.

The first type of vanilla that I am tired of is the puckered-up, stoic, stubborn Norwegian environment in which I live. It's sucking the life out of me! People don't want to talk about their problems, they can't forgive people, they don't want to go to counseling when they need it. It's very frustrating for a therapist (and a German).

The second type of vanilla that I am tired of is the vanilla-skinned atmosphere in which I live. We're all very, very white here in Fargo, North Dakota.

The third type of vanilla that I am tired of is my life. The past 17 months of my life have been extraordinarily odd. I'm used to being busy and being involved in everything, trying to suck as much out of life as I can. I don't know if it's me or what, but that hasn't happened here for me. Not that I want to be busy for the sake of being busy, but I'd like to be involved, and taking part in life! The funny thing is that I AM involved here...knitting, BSF, church, small groups, YMCA (even though I've taken a small hiatus). I guess I still haven't gotten used to the fact that I'm not working 40 hours a week, plus going to grad school full time with all the homework to do, and then doing worship team at church and leading small groups all at the same time. I guess maybe it's okay to have a little extra free time. I guess when you get used to a certain way of life, it kind of sticks!

I think I know what's missing, though...

...

I began reading a book (I just typed "boog") entiteld, "Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairytale World" by Nicole Johnson. She's one of the Women of Faith girls. It's a good book (I just did it again - typed "boog!"- I wonder what type of Freudian slip that is...) and it speaks to the way that women deal with reality, the fairytales that we read and believed as little girls, and that the ultimate fairytale is really true - Jesus Christ came to woo us to his side, his bride. Good stuff.

I also gave my husband the ultimatum last night. I told him he must start applying for youth pastor jobs, no matter where they are. There happen to be several in Iowa that are quite appealing. I never realized what a nice city Sioux City is - it's bigger than Fargo/Moorhead! Impressive. It's a long jont from there to the T.C's, though, so that would be a bummer, cause part of the road is two-lane, from the looks of it. Sioux City is directly south of Fargo, in I-29, about 4.5 hours, according to Mapquest. You know what SOUTH means!!! Warmer weather! I'm all for that. But, this happened because I was cleaning last night after we came home from the Super Bowl party and was thinking that what we're doing now CANNOT continue. It's killing Chris; it's killing me; it's killing us. I refuse to live this way anymore and I refuse to watch Chris waste his gifts, and talent and education doing his manual labor job ANYMORE. I've decided that I can set up shop pretty much anywhere, so it's Chris that needs to find the job in order for us to settle. I don't know what all this will end up meaning. I'm not counting on anything. I just know that he has to do this, and it's time to shit or get off the pot!

So there!

Today is my dad's 62nd birthday. He's already been retired for 6 months. He's living the good life. He sits at home in his chair and reads a book all day long. That's the good life, in his eyes. He told me a long time ago that he's always wanted to be a hermit. I find this amusing. Now, he is kind of a hermit!

When I got on the computer this morning at 8:45, the Weather Bug said it was -22. That's disgusting. DISGUSTING.

Well, I guess it's time to go for now.