Rules for Interacting with the Rest of Humanity

1. DO NOT, under any circumstances, call a place of business and begin the phone call by saying, "Uh, somebody called me from this number, who was it?" There are several reasons for this: 1) The receptionist is going to answer the phone. The receptionist, as much as s/he hates to admit, is not telepathic, and cannot enter the minds of his/her fellow employees in order to know whom, from the entire office of people, called you. 2) The receptionist does not sit in close proximity to the rest of the employees and cannot quickly yell over the cubicle wall, "Hey, who called Joe Schmuckatelli?!?!" 3) The receptionist IS NOT, under ANY circumstance, going to get up and go around asking people WHO THE HELL CALLED YOU!!

2. Do not make phone calls whilst chewing gum.

3. DO NOT SMOKE CIGARETTES! They make you smell! VERY VERY BADLY!! It makes people want to run away from you, screaming and holding their noses!

4. Do not go to a marriage therapist and expect them to tell you to get a divorce!

5. Do not stop in the middle of an intersection for a red light, procede to have a conversation with your proctologist, and then MISS the fact that the light, for which you are waiting in the middle of the intersection, has now turned green and the poor soul waiting behind you has to honk their horn to make you go forward!

6. When living in Fargo, North Dakota, do not think that you will be able to make the yellow left turn signal light when you are still half a block away from the intersection. This does not work in Fargo, North Dakota, because the vortices of all trafffic lights cross here, thus making the yellow lights shorter than anywhere else in the world.

7. DO EXPECT that when you go through said yellow left turn signal light, and it turns red before you are through the intersection, that you will be charged and honked at vigorously by any driver who now has a green light to cross the intersection, yet cannot cross, except by way of going THROUGH your vehicle, because you are stupid enough to cross said intersection on an old yellow light, in Fargo, North Dakota.

8. If you live in an aparment building, DO NOT play video games with the volume level at 37 at MIDNIGHT!

9. If you live in an aparment building on the second, third, or higher floors, DO NOT walk like you are an elephant across the floor. Do not lift up your refrigerator and slam it onto the floor. Do not drag said refrigerator across said floor, at any time of the day or night. Do not have sex loudly at any time of the day or night. Do not vomit loudly at any time of the day or night. DO realize that your neighbors below you can hear you peeing at any time of the day or night.

10. If you are pulling into a parking spot at Wal Mart, and there is a shopping cart in the way of you being able to fully park, and you get out of your vehicle to move said shopping cart, hitting both your vehicle and the vehicle in front of yours whilst moving said shopping cart, and then get back in your vehicle to park fully, DO NOT LEAVE SAID SHOPPING CART IN THE PARKING LOT! If you took the time to move it out of your way to park, take the extra 1.64 seconds to grab the thing and take it up to the store or to the cart corral!

If any of these rules does not make sense, or you need clarification, this means that you are not allowed to: 1) use the phone, 2) chew chewing gum, 3) smoke cigarettes, 4) get married, 5) drive, 6) drive, 7) drive, 8) live in an apartment building, or anywhere else where other people live, 9) see 8, 10) shop at Wal Mart or drive a vehicle.

Thank you, and good night.

I switched!

I switched over to the new version of blogger just now, and I can't tell much of a difference. Guess I'll have to play around with it a little bit.

I found an interesting quote the other day:

“ God shapes the world by prayers…The prayers of God’s saints are the capital stock of Heaven by which Christ carries on His great work on earth….Earth is changed, revolutionized, angels move on more powerful, more rapid wing, and God’s policy is shaped as the prayers are more numerous, more efficient….God’s conquering ways are when God’s saints have given themselves to mightiest prayer.” (E. M. Bounds)

I've been thinking a lot about prayer over the past couple years. Specifically, how feable I feel my own prayers are, and how inneffective they must be (this is what my own perception is). What is prayer? What is a "relationship with God?" That's the evangelical catch-phrase. How does one know one has a relationship with God? What is effective prayer?

It seems that our society has watered down Christianity, and I struggle with that. It's hard to live in the world and not be like the world. You think to yourself, "Oh, well, nobody else is doing all that much, so I guess I don't have to, either." But that's so not true.

I think about the E.M. Bounds quote, and it's encouraging. A lot of times I feel that prayer really doesn't change much or isn't worth it. Romans 8:34 states that Jesus is at the right hand of God "interceding for us." That's amazing. I guess that's proof that he is our high priest. Roman 8:26 states that the "Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." What an interesting thought! The Spirit groans on our behalf! The last part of the sentence on Romans 8:27 states that the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. That verse befuddles me. If God's will is what God's will is, then why does the Spirit have to intercede for us? Strange.

So, I think part of my, well, not really resolution for the New Year, but something along those lines anyway, is that I want to expand my prayer life. I have a book on praying the Scriptures which I find very intriguing that I might employ, and maybe I'll look into Mr. Bounds, as well, since he seems to have good things to say.

On another note, Chris and I went SALSA dancing on Wednesday night! It was great! It felt so good to get out and do something different! I can't say that we were great at it, but Chris said that he would rather swing dance, so I think we're going to start taking swing dance lessons next month. I actually believe I have found a new form of exercise that I can tolerate sweating for! My friend Erin invited me to the salsa dancing, and she happens to be a belly dancer...almost makes me want to give that a shot as well. I was surprised how un-loose I am. Let me explain what I mean. When we had a little group lesson at the salsa dancing night, the lady showed us how to move our hips, and I have to admit, it felt a little risque doing that! It was good for me, I think being in this stuffy Skandinavian country has made me become a little stuffy myself. No more! I must salsa!

It is 2:25 pm. I feel like I've been sitting at this desk for three years. Gah.

Tonight we are going to some friend's house for a bon voyage party for a couple in our small group - they are leaving for Africa! They are going to be gone for a month to Uganda and Rwanda. It's a trial run to see if they want to become full time missionaries. Becoming a missionary has never been one of the things on my list of things I'd like to try. Guess I'm just not made of that kind of material!

I am also going to experiment with some wild game this week. I'm going to make BBQ venison this week, which I actually really like (I don't care for venison usually), and I'm going to make Goose Fingers, which is just strips of floured, fried goose breast (Husband informed me that people call them Salamanders! YUCK!), and also some honey-fried pheasant. I figure, the meat is in the freezer, I better do something with it. I have a tendency to let it sit there, because I'm not much of a wild game fan, but it's a nice way to save some money on groceries.

My new camera is on it's way to me right now and I can hardly contain my excitement! I've researched digital cameras for the past several months, and finally found an acceptable camera in my price range. I had wanted something with a good zoom on it, but the zoom makes the price go up. I found a very nice Kodak Easy Share Z710 on Dell.com for $215.00. I got free shipping and with tax it came to about $228. I'm very pleased. This is $35.00 cheaper than I could have purchased it for at Target or Best Buy. I'm hoping it'll come today, but my guess is that it'll be Monday.

Well, I best be off. Must go fix something the silly postal service didn't like.

The Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger

Last night Chris and I decided to use one of our many giftcards we received for Christmas, and we went to TGI Fridays to dine out. Since I happen to be a connoiseur of cheeseburgers, I took it upon myself to try the Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger...and it was delicious. It consisted of the burger patty, topped with Monterey Jack cheese, topped with applewood smoked bacon, topped with a BREADED, DEEP FRIED SLICE OF PROVOLONE...*sigh*....

I have decided that I can be classified with that group of people who love all things edible...Foodies. Husband does not understand.

Husband and I are still trying to figure out our lives, as I've written about in several blogs. Last night we had a heated conversation about careers and passion and life. We've both noticed something that has happened in our lives since Seminary. We both have lost our passion. I used to think that becoming a marriage therapist would be the end-all, be-all, or however that saying goes. I considered it my passion, even though I had never performed marriage counseling. But, I have had my eyes opened. Frankly, marriage counseling SUCKS. It's awful, and horrible, and ugly, and honestly, I would like no part of it. People only come to see a marriage therapist, when there is no hope left. They don't come when things are just basically difficult and they're having a hard time. They come when someone has had an affair and one member isn't sure they want to continue the marriage. I'm sorry, but no amount of marriage counseling can bring that back if one party isn't fully involved in the process.

Husband thought he was passionate about youth ministry, especially college ministry, but he's been hit with so many dead ends, that he doesn't know which way is up. Is he still passionate about it? He's questioning. He thinks about it every day. But no amount of praying or thinking has lead either one of us to any conclusions.

So what caused this leakage of passion? I'm inclined to say Satan is behind this mess. That's not to escape responsibility, because I still say we're responsible for getting it back. But sometimes I think we underestimate the power of the enemy in our lives. For two people who strongly felt they were CALLED into these occupations and ministries, to feel like the lifeblood has been sucked out of us and that we can't make a decision to save our lives, I can hardly think that's God urging us to feel that way! I suppose it could be, but it doesn't make any sense in my head.

So, the question was brought up last night, "If becoming a youth pastor is your desire, why aren't you doing everything within your power to make it happen? Why aren't you applying for positions all over the country, instead of waiting for something to become available here in Fargo?" (There's been ONE full time youth pastor position become available in the year and a half we've lived here, and he's got his resume in for it, although it sounds like they're not sure they're actually going to be hiring...) He didn't know, although he said he realizes he should be doing this. There's nothing holding us here. We never see his brother and sister in law, who live in town. His parents stay with us all the time (which is reason enough for me to move!!! Just kidding...sort of...yeah, I'm not kidding...).

I guess for me the bottom line comes down to this: do we stay here, searching for jobs in our fields for the rest of our lives, not having any guarantee that this will ever happen? That sounds like financial suicide to me, for one thing. And suicide in many other ways. Chris only wants to live here so he can hunt and fish in North Dakota. Just writing that sentence makes me want to cry.

The worst part is that we've got my parents asking us what we're doing, because they want to move to Fargo to be near to us. I do want them close, but this is just getting really difficult. I can't even guarantee them that we're going to be here in 6 months, or 2 years, or 10 years. As if it's not hard enough to figure out our own lives, we have to figure it out for their sake, too.

So that is the story of us for the past 2 1/2 years, really. That's about how long this has been going on. It has to get better sometime, doesn't it? I guess it probably doesn't.

In the meantime, I think I'd like another Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger.

A few things have happened since my little diatribe of self-pity on Monday. I don't particularly like the self-pity mode. I don't think anyone really does.
First of all, I had a really fun time on Monday night with my Naughty Knitty friends. We covered a myriad of topics from fertility (a regular subject) to pooping, from doctors to in-laws. It was a very interesting evening. Much to my liking.
Then, Tuesday afternoon, I was completing my BSF study questions. The passage was Romans 8:28-39. The question asked my thoughts concerning why Paul included a passage from Psalm 44, and I just wasn't seeing it, so I started discussing the issue with a friend at work. We decided the passage had to do with suffering and trials and persecution. It was really a lightbulb moment for me that changed my view of my "situation." Instead of sitting here, blaming God or getting angry with God for not acting in my life, I'm realizing that there could be a very real form of "persecution" going on with my husband and myself as we send out our resumes which have Christian stuff all over them. It made me aware of a different way to look at my life and the events that are taking place, and mostly, to stop blaming God. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom. 8:38-39)
Next, I was offered a job last night that I never even applied for. I'm not going to say a lot yet, as I haven't decided if I'm going to take it or not. I'm definitely praying about it and making sure that I'm not just taking a job because it's a job, but that it's the right job for this time. It's a good job, though, and I'm seriously considering it.

In other news, I had my annual physical this morning. Going to the doctor has changed for me over the past few years. Being a mental health professional, I have an expertise of sorts when it comes to an area of knowledge. At the doctor's office, I don't have that expertise, although I do strive to make myself knowledgable and aware of different issues concerning women's health and reproductivity, both out of curiosity and necessity. So, it feels weird to be the person that people come to when they need answers concerning their relationships or their mental health or their children, and then be in the reverse position when I go to the doctor. It's really made me examine my attitude toward clients and how I come across to them. I even sent out a questionnaire last week asking all my clients from 2006 to give me feedback on how they felt about the services that I offered. While my doctor is very friendly and intelligent, I sometimes feel he answers my questions too quickly or passes over some of my thoughts. Having run into doctors and therapists who don't like their clients to be well-educated, I always wonder what he thinks of the fact that I'm researching the medication he prescribes for me, and am well aware of how long my luteal phase should be, etc. I suppose I could ask him...

I think that completes my ramblings for today. I have an afternoon of nothing to do ahead of me and a candy jar full of M&M's sitting right in front of me. This is not a good combination...

Why My Life Sucks...By Heather

How's that for a title? That's kind of what I'm feeling like today. In taking stock of my life, I have decided it sucks. I actually could write an essay on it. I don't want to complain, but I want to vent.

I remember reading a children's book when I was a little girl, the title of which was, "The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Day." I still remember the first line: "I went to bed with gum in my mouth, and now there's gum in my hair." The kid was kind of an Eeyore in the book. I kind of feel like that today, like I have a black cloud floating around above my head.

For starters, I've been dieting for the past two weeks. I didn't lose anything the first week, but I attributed that to mother nature. Today I got on the scale and had actually GAINED two pounds. How does that work? I said to my husband, "This is just the icing on my proverbial cake. I try to do something good for myself and I end up doing just the opposite." I give up.

Last night, I made my mother cry. It was one of those conversations that you have to have, but you put it off for a long time. Well, I had put it off for too long. Now she thinks that I don't want her and my dad to move up to Fargo and that she's supposed to stop being a mother. It was literally as if I had some sort of sci-fi gadget attached to my mouth that translated the words that I was saying into different words that she heard. It was bizarre. Tres bizarre.

There are no jobs for a youth pastor and an unlicensed marriage and family therapist in Fargo. I look in the paper every damn Sunday, hoping, hoping to see something worth applying for. I've sent out 2 resumes in the past 6 months. That's how bad it is. Chris has sent out one resume in the past 6 months, and the job that he applied for isn't even a real job yet. And it may never be. I've had it. I've just completely had it. And, even though there are TWO, count them, TWO jobs that I would LOVE to have in the Twin Cities area, I can't apply for them because my husband won't move back there. I asked him the other day, "Are you willing to work at DirecTV for the rest of your life if it means that you can live in Fargo?" He said that there's nothing worth working at DirecTV for the rest of his life, but his actions indicate otherwise.

I also can't seem to get my relationship with God worked out to a place where I actually feel like I have one. I've spent much of the past 2.5 years being mad at him, and it's taken it's toll. I thought I had stopped being mad at him last spring, but it's back. My husband says that it's okay to be mad at God; I get mad at my husband sometimes and that's okay. Well, I understand that, but I've never been mad at my husband for 2.5 years, and I imagine if I had been, it would be very detrimental to the relationship. Don'tcha think?!?!

An old lady just came into the office and growled at me! That was scary.

I think there needs to be one of those Office Max "easy" buttons for life - everytime you need an answer to something you just push the button. So far, prayer and my own brain power hasn't been able to figure out what to do about all of this. Joyce Meyer says that the number one thing that keeps people from being blessed is disobedience. I've scoured my life for disobedience and am working on that, too. Maybe there's something I can't see.

What spawned this blog of awfulness was reading my friend's blog this morning of all the good things that had happened in his life over the past year. I looked back on my year, and had ONE thing worth mentioning. That felt kind of depressing. I like movement, change, growth. Growth is good! I keep wondering what God is trying to teach me through all of this...patience, perseverence, trust, faith. Probably all of the above. Maybe I'm not so good of a student.

I need a latte.

It's 2007...Amazing...

I started this post several days ago when my weekend with my in-laws was still fresh in my mind. I had included a bit of the drama that had taken place over New Year's weekend, and how I hope that when I'm an in-law with adult children that I am a good one. Now, that I've had some time apart from the situation, it's really laughable, but at the time, it was ridiculous. I'll spare you the gory details.

And, despite the craziness of Sunday night, the ball dropped, and it's 2007. We all survived and life is moving on. And the worst part? I turn 30 this year. Unbelievable.

I've come to some conclusions concerning some of the thoughts I've been sharing on my blog here. I've talked a lot about work and jobs and how I've been disappointed with that entire area of my life since graduating from grad school. It's been confusing and frustrating, not being able to find what I had expected after finishing my Master's degree. But I've learned a lot about myself.

I've learned that I've had an easy life. Everything has come easy to me, and while yes, I've had to put in the hours, the hours have't been difficult. In anything. School was easy, college was easy, grad school was easy. Okay, maybe it all wasn't EASY, but it certainly wasn't daunting or difficult. No, I'm not a straight A student, but I could maintain a good 3.333 with minimal effort. When I was in junior high and high school being a really good musician was very easy. I enjoyed the work, and I believe that I enjoyed it because it was rewarding. There were always contests to win and medals to get and honor festivals to attend. I went to them all. I had a full tuition scholarship to college because of it.

Then something happened. I began to see that I had to WORK for what I wanted, and for some reason, that work freaked me out. It wasn't enjoyable. There were other things I'd rather be doing, and what had once come so easily, wasn't so anymore. So, I quit.

And, in a nutshell, life has been on this repeating pattern of trying different things, looking for something rewarding and fulfilling, yet not too difficult, and it's left me with my hands in the air, wondering what happened to my determination of earlier years, and also wondering why I'm not sitting in the New York Philharmonic with my French horn!!!!

So, it's time to make some changes. I have to learn that being uncomfortable doesn't mean I'm going to die, and doesn't mean that I have to run. I have to learn that perseverence is what we're called to, especially as Christians. I have to learn that running doesn't solve anything, and certainly isn't something I want my children to learn to do.

So, 2007 is going to be a prosperous year, hopefully in more ways than one. I'm looking forward to growth and movement and change. Even though I'm going to be 30.