Life as a Marriage Counselor

So this is what I deal at least once a week; people call an hour and a half before their scheduled appointment and tell me they need to reschedule because they have a different appointment they cannot miss. I wonder if other places ever get calls from their clients cancelling because their appointment with their counselor is too important to miss. People do not understand that this is a person's livelihood-income-meat and potatoes-bread-APARTMENT RENT!!!!!
I've been in counseling before, and I always enjoyed it so much that I never missed a meeting! Guess that's why I'm a counselor now, I suppose...

People are fickle. And sometimes they're not - maybe they have an emergency doctor's appointment. I can understand that, to an extent. If they were hemmorhaging, or unconscious, or happened to take a bullet to the chest. Yes, those are very viable excuses. But the thing that occurs to me is that (since most people I work with are coming for marriage counseling) they're coming to me because the threat of divorce is immenent, or because there's been an affair, and, maybe I'm crazy, but I take that as seriously as a brain injury. It's just as life altering! And believe me: I've been divorced!

Maybe this is my next project! Maybe I'll campaign for the importance of counseling. I remember my supervisor during my internship considered himself on the same level as a doctor, and honestly, I think that's a pretty good idea.

So, missed appointments afford me the luxury of complaining on my blog, I guess. This can be my mini soap box! The world needs to know how important their marriage counselors are!

What is wrong with my subconscious brain!?!?!?

Last night I had a very vivid dream of being in a sort of hospital-type facility. I was sneaking around because few people knew I was there, and I was only a visitor, not allowed to go "behind the scenes," so to speak, but I was, anyway. I was trapped in a never-ending bathroom at one point, behind doors that would only open if the right person touched the right button. Then I started to figure out what the place was: a surgery center for deformed children! I found myself in the oral surgey wing, and witnessed a small child getting ready to have its cleft pallate teeth fixed, and when the surgeon walked in, I just about lost my cookies: it was a 6 foot tall swine, walking upright like a human, with a surgery gown on. Hooves and all. It was incredible. I quickly walked out the door, and decided it was time for me to leave.

When I got outside, there was an alien invasion and robots the resembled jellyfish were hopping on their "tentacles," coming to get me. There were dark clouds on the horizon and I knew something bad was going to happen. Thankfully, right at that point, my alarm went off, because I was about to get crunched by a robot jellyfish! ACK!

What is up with all of that?! I can't remember having a dream that elaborate in a long, long time, especially concerning such crazy characters! I really wonder where my brain came up with it. My dad always told me when I was a little girl, that dreams keep you sane. I believed it because I was a child, but truly I wonder what that means. I do like to read into my dreams and try to discover meanings in them. When I was in grad school, we were taught that when clients discuss dreams, it is THEIR interpretation that is important, not ours, not Freud's... I also tend to think that those books that are supposed to tell you what different items/activities mean in your dream are hokey. I don't think everyone's brain subscribes to the same dream interpretation manual, so I highly doubt that the fact that I drempt about robot jellyfish means that I'm going to get my hair cut, or some such thing!

However, that leads me to another interesting story. When I was in high school, in the early 90's, I had a massive crush on Dean Cain, the actor who played Superman, in "Lois and Clark, the Adventures of Superman," which aired on Sunday nights. Anyway, one night I had a dream that he rescued me in his Superman suit, from a building that was going to collapse, and he flew me away to safety. Well, I happened to be telling this to my friends in French class, and I was the only one speaking in the room, so my French teacher, a 30 year old bachelor, says to me from across the room, "Heather, did you know that flying is the universal dream symbol for sex?" I don't even think I answered him. I was horrified! I could not believe that he said that to me, especially in front of the whole class!!! What the heck does he know about my dreams!?! I was astounded. And, if that had taken place a few years later, I could probably have gotten him in trouble for some sort of strange sexual inappropriateness! Good grief!!

Sweet dreams tonight...

Forgiveness

I haven't posted for a while, due to my ongoing conversation concerning grace and the moral code in my previous post with my good friend, Jon, whom I met during my days at Northwestern Bookstore. But, I've recently become reacquainted with forgiveness, after a long, long time, and I wanted to bask in it's freedom for a moment or two.

Forgiveness is something I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around for a long time, and I owe it all to the church and its moral code, as Jon puts it. Because of the way the church views sin (and please be reminded that I was a baby Christian in a fundamental, legalistic Church of Christ (nondenominational) and this affected me deeply, to my very innermost core) I had forgotten forgiveness, because according to these people, you basically had to be perfect, nevermind the cross, and good luck to you, because hell is real and lots of people are going there. There was no grace for living life.

I'm so fearful for the church, because it's so full of Pharisees. I'm currently watching some people I work with damn someone because of some decisions they're making, as a baby Christian. I try to argue with them, but to no avail. I'm deeply concerned for this baby Christian. What's going to happen to her faith? What if she never hears forgiveness and grace? How can you love a god who doesn't forgive you and doesn't set you free? A god like that isn't worth loving.

That's what I was living with for 5 years. It was the most miserable time in my life. As time went on, I became depressed; as the depression grew worse, I slipped away, little by little, until I woke up one day and didn't recognize myself and was horrified. All because I didn't believe God forgave me, because I was told that you had to be perfect to get into heaven. Sick. Sick and wrong.

Forgiveness is there! It's there for our mistakes and our shortcomings! It's there for you and me and everybody else, and it's fricking free! This is so amazing.

Have you accepted Christ as your personal savior? If you have, you're forgiven - the slate is clean! Hallelujah! It makes me want to dance in the streets and tell everyone what God has done! You don't have to perform to get into heaven or to be near to God! It's free! All you have to do is ask!

Go in grace.
And peace.
Because that's what follows.
Amen.

Blessings

So, this person I work with made a comment the other day that I'm not sure I agree with. She said that if we are disobedient, we will miss out on blessings as a result. Now, I don't recall reading that in the Bible anywhere. I'm thinking this is another guilt-inducing mind game that fundamental Christians play with people. Here's my line of thinking... We sin. Say, we steal our neighbor's garden gnome and put it in our garden. "Thou shalt not steal!" (Thunder...lightning bolts...) Okay. Well, the next day, we look out at our garden and realize that that gnome has been unrightly torn from it's home garden and we are responsible. So, we take the gnome back and apologize for our act of indiscretion. We also confess to God for our sin of stealing. The Bible says that ,"He remembers our sin no more." It's as far as the east is from the west. So, how could God withold blessings from us if he doesn't remember what we've done?!?!?! And isn't each day a new beginning, filled with grace?

That said, I do believe there are consequences for our sin - natural ones that flow from the different acts of sin we commit. If someone sleeps with a prostitute, they're going to have a very angry wife, and probably gonorrhea. They may even lose their family through divorce. That's a very serious consequence. It's also a very serious sin. If I lie, I lose someone's trust. That's not fun, either, but not as serious as the first example.

Now, do we get punished for our sin? Well, if we confess, God remembers it no more, so how could he punish us for something he has no recollection of?

What about being punished for disobeying? That's a different story. Adam and Eve were punished for disobeying God. They had to leave the Garden and work the soil and have episiotomies. (ouch)

Is disobeying sin? If disobeying is sin, is it the actual ACT that is the disobedience that is the sin, or is it simply that disobedience is sin? [Follow me on that one?] Because the ACT of eating the apple off the tree isn't sin. But the disobedience would be. Wouldn't it? Then, if disobedience is sin, then maybe we do get punished for disobedience. Maybe that's in the form of lost blessings? I still don't ever remember reading that in the Bible.

Or, does grace cover it all? [For believers - not unbelievers, because we know he punishes unbelievers, at least at the Final Judgment]

Hmmmm.

Back to blessings. The Bible tells us that we do not have because we do not ask, not because we chose to be disobedient.

I've talked myself into a corner, I can no longer think straight...

The Pains of Learning Discipline

Well, my new quest in life is to be a disciplined person. This is the biggest thing I hate about myself...I'm not a self-starter, I'm not highly motivated (anymore), and I'm very undisciplined. I'm exactly like my mother.

EEEEK!!!

So, I am currently sitting at my desk at work, typing in my blog. I've been here since 12:50. My 1:00 premarital counseling appointment rescheduled for tomorrow (grrr..) and since then, I've been surfing the net, looking for jobs for Husband. This, actually, is productive work, I would have to say, because I found something for him to apply for that would benefit us greatly financially, and that he would enjoy, for the most part! Yay, me. However, now I'm just putting off doing what I need to do, which is read a book about Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy.

This is my new goal: to become an Emotionally Focused couples therapist. See, there are many different theorists in the world of therapy, and one is advised to pick one or two theories and use them. So far, I have not done so, because I've still been trying to make sense out of everything else I'm trying to accomplish during a session. It has come time to put the nose to the grindstone and get 'er done. I feel I will be much more successful this way.

Bible study also falls under my quest for self-discipline. For the past 4 months I have been attending Bible Study Fellowship so I have had lessons to complete and lectures to attend to assist my Bible studying. In two weeks I will be on my own for the summer, and we all know what that means....the Bible gets dusty. BUT NOT THIS YEAR!! I am DETERMINED to study something...what, I'm not sure yet, but something. My first thought is to go through Exodus, since we've been studying Genesis in great depth. My next thought is to study Romans, because that's what next year's BSF study is going to be. I shall see.

Diet and exercise also fall under the discipline issue. I'm actually doing quite well in the diet category, surprisingly. However, I fail miserably when it comes to exercise. I just hate to sweat. It makes me feel gross and sticky. Unfortunately, I've been "blessed" with the Hanawalt sweating genes, and can become quite soaked when working hard. EWWWW! That's why I like to swim or walk. But, I can't afford a Y membership right now in order to swim, and it's been raining so freaking long in this freaking town that I can't go walking outside unless I want to enter a wet t-shirt contest. So, I must learn to exercise.

The last aspect of discipline is the television. I have a few shows that I really enjoy - NCIS and House are my most favorites, followed closely by American Idol, a show I swore I'd never get addicted to. Now, Husband has lured me into the new show called The Unit (which I have to say, is a mildly amusing title). I also enjoy CSI. However, Husband has the TV on at every single point of the day that he is home, so, if I want to spend time with him, which I do, I feel I must sit next to him on the couch and become the petrified couch growth that he is! The only activity that can peel him away from it is going to Barnes and Noble to read Louis L'Amour books. Well, there is one other thing that can peel him away from the TV... Anyway, I wish to watch less TV, waste less time on the internet, and do something interesting, like take a cooking class. Husband suggested a BBQ class. Sounds good to me!

All that said, I have my hands full with disciplining myself. I'm going to do it. I must. Or I will die.

Glorious Weekend

It was another enjoyable weekend, mostly due to the fantastic weather we had here in Fargo. Saturday I slept in entirely too long, which I haven't done in a long, long time. When I finally was coherent, I spent an hour or so at Starbucks, sitting outside sipping a light frappuccino and working on my Bible Study Fellowship questions. However, I had been sitting there no longer than 10 minutes when this group of very odd middle aged folks came along and sat down at the table next to mine. Someone lit a cigarette, which, if you know me, you know that I cannot stand cigarette smoke. Then one of the wives started bellering about her ice water: "Harrold! Get me my ice water! Where's my ice water! Go back in there and get me an ice water!" (Imagine a voice like fingernails on a chalkboard...) So I packed up my stuff and went inside the store to work on my lesson. Once they left, I went back outside.

Husband wanted hotdogs for supper, so we lit the grill and had ourselves some weiners!

Then Husband andI went trout fishing! It was fun, and we both caught a fish! Mine was first, and we took pictures of it, but of course my piece of crap camera screwed the pictures up and they are unrecognizable! I have to get a new camera. Then came Husband's fish. He couldn't get the hook out of it's mouth, because it had swallowed the hook pretty deeply. Finally he had to cut the line so the fish wouldn't suffocate being out of water. When he put it back in the pond, it floated belly up to the top. He helped it get its bearings and eventually it swam away, but about 20 seconds later, there it was again, belly up. That made me sad, so we decided to leave. Then, as we were packing up, it started flailing, then belly up, flail, belly up, flail...you get the picture. It was still floating when we left. Poor fish.

Sunday was church, which was pretty good, and a yucky burrito at Qdoba, a lap around one of the big furniture stores in town to try out the recliners, then home for a while. We went back out later, to play catch with the velcro catch set I purchased at Target for $6.99 on Saturday, but we quickly tired of that, so we rented a movie - Flightplan, with Jodie Foster. It was excellent. All in all, a nice, enjoyable weekend.

Now I'm sitting at my desk, contemplating the meaning of life, such as, what does it mean when the thing you spent $40,000 studying in grad school doesn't seem to be working out in your life and you have serious doubts about wanting to continue? This isn't supposed to happen! And what does it mean when your husband hates his job and can't find a different one, even though he's been looking for months and months? Well, since I don't have answers to these questions, I'm just going to go have a latte.

Throwing up on the Dental Hygienist

Yesterday I had to go back to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Apparently it had been there for a while, because once he started drilling deeper into the tooth, it emitted this gag-reflex-inducing, foul, rancid, decaying smell. I was horrified. Once he got the drill out of my mouth, I looked up at the man (Byron, remember!?) and said, "Why does it smell so bad?!"

Byron answered, "Because we're drilling in decayed, diseased tissue." Gag. Gag.

Then I had to swallow.

I swallowed what must have been decayed, diseased tooth powder that the hygienist hadn't gotten out of my mouth with the suction device. I suddenly had visions of yacking violently on the hygienist....not as revenge, just as the easiest place to throw up.

It would have been rather gratifying, actually, but I managed to keep my lunch of one Lean Pocket and a can of Diet A & W Rootbeer down.

Ah, tales from the dentist chair...

Today is a ridiculous day. I accidentally slept in this morning, and when I finally crawled out of my heavenly warm bed at 10:15, I had that oversleeping-can't-wake-up-haze that sticks around until you consume caffeine. So a latte ensued.

I have been awak for 3 hours and have accomplished eating breakfast, checking my email (nobody wrote to me today, which is very unusual), paying the overdue car payment online, paying the credit card bill online, folding a small pile of laundry, taking a shower, and talking to Husband.

This afternoon will consist of getting dressed, mailing some items, stopping in at the office to make my presence known there, and cleaning the house. Oh! And I can't forget the most important part - going to JCPenney's for their sale today and tomorrow. I used to think that JC Penney's had frumpy clothes, but after going on a $500 shopping spree there a few months ago, I've decided they're pretty good! Probably shouldn't spend $500 again...might get excommunicated by Husband...

Oh, and for those of you who haven't heard, National Knit in Public Day is June 10th. Go grab your needles!

You Had a Bad Day...

I love that song by Daniel Powter. I sing it in my sleep! Literally - in my dreams, I'm singing it. Strange. I've never claimed to be normal in the dream department.

So, today is a day of randomness...I have to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled, and to the doctor for a med check. I have to wash the sheets, sweep the floor, and get groceries if I have time. There's small group tonight and somewhere in there, Husband will expect supper, I assume!

We had a fairly productive evening last night. I've found the way to get Husband to clean with me: if I say, "We're going to clean tonight. I want you to do the bathroom." And then list the things I want him to clean in the bathroom - he'll do it. It makes it so much easier for me to clean when he's cleaning, too. Otherwise, I just get resentful. He's also gotten really good at emptying the dishwasher and filling it back up. I'm so proud of him! He's come a long way.

There's nothing particularly interesting to write about today. Just the regular, mostly mundane parts of life. However, I do think my fish, Sinatra, has a neurological problem. He just floats in one place at the top of the tank all day long, but if I make a noise in the kitchen, near where his tank is, he'll go nuts and flip flop all over. He's two and a half years old, which is old for a betta, I think. I've never had one live that long before.

Well, I must go make myself a latte. The caffeine content in my blood is negative.

The promised photo

Please forgive my camera - sometimes it has a short circuit and splices pictures, as it did this one, but the main point is still in tact - the tee-shirt. This is the item I purchased from Quince on Saturday that I mentioned in my last entry. I'm very proud of it.

Last night was Knitty Naughties (or Naughty Knitties - did we ever truly decide?) and I wore my shirt. I also finished a dish cloth, which I'm actually excited about (this gives you a glimpse into the inner weavings of my life at this point...I'm excited about a dish cloth...Lord help us all).

Sunday night Husband and I were at Barnes and Noble reading and I went to grab some magazines. I noticed the Psychology Today mag, which I never read, and my attention was caught by one of the titles on the cover: "Love and Affection, What Dogs Really Want." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Psychology Today is now printing articles about dogs and their inner feelings?! What the crap!?

Oh, Husband reminded me of a license plate he saw the other day and asked if I had told Erin about it. I forgot, so here it is: PNESS. Now, is this what I think it is, or could it possibly be someone who's first name is Penelope and last name is Ness? I'll let you decide...

Here's something very interesting. I ran across an old friend's blog last week, and upon reading his entry on Sunday, discovered something that troubled me. His blog was entitled, "Hold Up the One Thing That Defines Your Life." He was musing what that one thing has been during different stages of his life. Then he mentioned that as a Christian, he was tempted to hold up the Bible, but then he went on to say that he doesn't read his Bible all that much and that he doesn't know many Christians who do. Then he went on to say that his wedding ring is the one thing that defines his life right now.

I knew this guy when he was in his "Christian fanatical" days and he used to read his Bible a lot. We worked together, and sometimes he would take his break at the coffee bar and read his Bible there.

Anyway, I was so disturbed that I commented and we began a discussion. My thought on the matter is this: if most of the Christians he knows do not read their Bibles, what does that mean for the rest of Christendom? Probably means most people are not reading their Bibles. Not a surprise, I'll say, but sad, nonetheless. Josh McDowell has a new book out entitled, The Last Christian Generation, and that really scares me. I haven't read the book, but the premise is that young adults are not going to church, and if we're the ones having babies, then we're the ones raising kids without church, which means that the Christian Generation is getting older and is not being replaced.

If the Christians of today aren't reading their Bibles, how are they going to teach anyone else about Christ? My friend's point was that if we're not out there thumping our Bibles at people, then that gives us more credit with the world. But my question is this: what happens when the world starts asking questions that we don't know the answers for? What kind of credibility is that going to give us?

That said, I've gone through periods in my Christian life (this fall will be 10 years!) where I've been a Bible reading fiend, and periods where I rarely crack the thing open. I'm currently involved in Bible Study Fellowship, so I'm reading the Bible several times a week, and learning A LOT. It's wonderful. But, I remember when I was in seminary, and the only time I picked up a Bible was for Old Testament class or Theology 101. That's pretty sad. I hated that time in my life. I'll admit, though, making time for Bible reading and prayer is very, very difficult. Somehow it's not like sitting down and reading a novel or a magazine. I wish it were. I need to have structured lessons in order to get me to do it. But we MUST do it, nonetheless.

The last reason for reading the Bible is this: the Last Days are coming, I'm convinced of it. The Bible holds the signs to look for and the truth to hold to when things get rough. If we leave it behind now, what's going to happen then?

Thoughts, anyone?