Restless

This weekend was filled with relaxation and eating. And eating. And more eating.

Saturday my poor husband had to work all the way out in his hometown, and was an hour late getting home to his own birthday party!! ARGH! I hate the company he works for! I want them to die! Or at least that their armpit hairs would be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels.

But, the party was fun, and we had yummy brats on even yummier buns, accompanied by delicious tomato/basil/mozzarella salad that I could have eaten forever, and grilled corn on the cob. I declared near the end of my meal, "I'm full, but I'm just going to keep eating because it's so good..." Everyone agreed.

Then on Sunday we went to church, which was great - the people at Calvary Baptist church are awesome. They actually aren't afraid to come up and TALK to new people! It's amazing. We were invited to the young marrieds group. It was really wonderful - and the pastor has great sermons, which is a huge plus. The music is okay - it's not great, but it's not horrible either. The funniest part is that there's a guy named Roy (which is a name I have always thought hilarious, regardless of the thing he does) who feels the need to direct with his hand while we're singing! I just find this humorous, because I really don't think his directing has ANY impact on the tempo of the music...

So, I'm feeling restless. I think I'm getting caught up in not wanting to get caught up in the struggle for material goods and success in the world's eyes. Money is scarce in our world right now, we need another vehicle, we'd like a house, car insurance is due in August. Blah! It's so easy to get caught up in the WANTS!! Granted, car insurance and needing another vehicle aren't necessarily wants, but the house part is. Anyway, I have decided it's time for me to get a part time job. As much as I love working a few hours a week (and trust me, it's the best thing in the whole wide world - if you can stay home, or work very part time, I highly recommend it. It's absolutely wonderful) we really do need to have at least a little more money coming in, AND, since I don't have a baby or anything else to take care of at the present moment that would necessitate me staying home, it's really the best thing for me to work a little more. So, I think I'm going to work for Home Instead Senior Care, a company that provides the elderly a companion to shop, cook, hang out with, when they need it! I think it's awesome. The longer someone can live independently, the better, the way I see it. Nursing homes suck, and I pray to God I never have to put my own parents in one.

Anyway, I love elderly people, and I love to shop and cook and talk, so I think this would be a great "job" for me. I just hope it pays more than $5.15 per hour! But even if it doesn't, I think it would still be worth while. I contemplated the Starbucks gig again, but when I went to the store this morning, to look for the manager, I was surrounded by a bunch of college aged girls who had made a mess of the store, and who really weren't doing much of anything during the 20 minutes I was there. Now, there's two ways to look at this - I like college kids and I think I could have a great influence on them. On the other hand, this could all get really, really annoying! The really attractive part of working at Starbucks is the benefits - you can work 20 hours a week and have full benefits! This is especially attractive to the trying-to-get-pregnant person that I am. We'll see.

I'm also thinking and praying about starting a recovery ministry at my new church. I heard about it thru my friend, Jen, who lives in Seattle. She went thru the program a year or two ago and said it was life changing and wonderful. It's called Celebrate Recovery. It originated at Saddleback Church in California (Rick Warren's church). Anyway, I spoke with my pastor last week, and he already had the materials. So I picked them up from him on Sunday, and started looking them over. It looks like a great program. Just not sure if it's the best move for me to make. But, the community could really use it. Harumph.

I just heard a quote by Tony Evans: "Don't go outside of God to solve your problems." That's great advice. Easier said than done, I think!

We went to Monster House yesterday cause Chris wanted to see a movie on his birthday. The movie was actually pretty cute. One of the better cartoons I've seen. I thought it was a little scary for little kids, though, because this house seriously comes live and eats people and looks vicious! My favorite line was, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?!?!" "It's puberty, I'm having lots of puberty!"

I'm hosting knitting tonight. So far it looks like it's going to be a pretty slim group. Several of the girls are out of town, one has a sick baby. That's okay, though, my place isn't very big....

Well, time to go. Happy Monday.

Understandably concerned...

I've been in a spiritual rut for nearly 3 years now, as I eluded to in a previous post. And, I believe I'm out of the rut now. And now I'm concerned.

Some Scripture that's been instrumental to these past couple days is Revelation 3:15-20. Don't be afraid of it because it's Revelation. There's nothing to fear in Christ.

To give a bit of background before I site the passage, John is witnessing Christ confront 7 churches. The one in this passage is Laodicea. It was the wealthiest of the 7 cities mentioned. It had a strong banking industry, wool manufacturing, and even a medical school that manufacured eye cream! But the city had an issue with its water supply. They had built an aqueduct to bring water into the city from surrounding hot springs, but by the time the water got there, it was lukewarm - neither hot for bathing, nor cool for a refreshing drink. Lukewarm water, to most people, is disgusting to drink. To quote the notes from my study Bible: "The church in Laodicea had become lukewarm and thus distasteful and repugnant. The believers didn't take a stand for anything: indifference had led to idleness. By neglecting to do anything for Christ, the church had become hardened and self-satisfied, and it was destroying itself. There is nothing more disgusting than a halfhearted, in-name-only Christian who is self-sufficient." Christ had had something positive to say to the other six churches. He had nothing positive to say to Laodicea.

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."

Wow - that is a powerful speech! All I can think of is America when I read it...and myself. I don't want to be spit out of Jesus' mouth. The thing that gives me hope, is that Jesus doesn't say he HAS spit them out of his mouth, but he says "Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline." He loves this church that's faltering and failing. What are they to do? Be earnest and repent!

I'm concerned. We American Christians (in general) could be described as the Laodiceans. "I know by your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot." What am I doing to advance the Kingdom of God on earth? Am I going out and "making disciples of all nations?" I haven't yet. I think it's time to get serious, people. Who wants to join me?

Sick of it!

I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE RADIO AND THE CRAPPY MUSIC THEY PLAY ON ALL THE "POP" STATIONS!!!! (Christian included!)

I am currently boycotting all radio stations that play any music other than jazz or classical.

All you hear is the same thing over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Good grief! Even the stations that claim to play a variety of music just play crappy 80's every once in a while in order to "shake things up" a bit. Argh.

So, today I listened to MPR at my desk, and it was good. But, I also can't listen to classical all day long, either. It actually grates on my brain for some reason. They need to mix it up a bit, too - throw in a little harp music in between the Beethoven Sonata and the Dvorak Symphony! I'd even take a mandolin or a sac butt every once in a while. (I actually did hear a sac butt the other day, and it made me smile!)

What I do appreciate about MPR is that you can often find them playing a Mozart Horn Concerto. There are 4.33 of these puppies. The .33 comes from the fact that Mozart began number 5 and then he died. Some people have finished it, but I say that's cheating. I'd rather hear someone play half of a piece of music written totally by Mozart, than a complete piece of music written half by Mozart and half by some music geek who thinks he can tap into the mind of Mozart. But hey, that's just my opinion.

I was on hold today at work and they had the MOST horrendous elevator music EVER! It was a cross between true elevator music meets techno meets Santa's elves. Seriously, I'd never heard anything like and and it made me wonder if there were subliminal messages in it that were penetrating my mind whilst I waited. Heh. Heh heh.
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Today I bought a new flat iron for my hair. This one has ceramic plates instead of the big gold ones. Apparently there's some ionic component to this puppy and it's supposed to reduce flyaways!!! How fricking exciting! Isn't it amazing what they can do with advertising language?
The other day I was highlighting my husband's hair and as I was reading the directions, #4 was to removed "Super Impermiable Gloves" and don them. Good Lord! They're rubber gloves. They didn't do anything but go over your hand! Yeesh.
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Last night Dana made cupcakes for Knitting Night. The frosting tasted like homemade ice cream. I was very impressed. Kiersten also made a cake. It was in the shape of a very large penis! She was very embarassed. We loved it. It was even cream filled....

Well, I needed to purge for the day. Now I want to go home.

It wasn't just a suggestion...

Well, I've been experiencing spiritual rot for probably the past 3 years, and especially the past 2 for sure. I "try" to read my Bible, and I do it for a day or two, but then I forget, or I'm too tired, or too lazy (that's more likely the issue). I never pray; at least not the kind of prayer than begets relationship. It's more of the "thank you, give me" prayer, which actually quite disgusts me. I feel like I'm a foul taste in God's mouth, that he wants to spit me out, and that I'm on the tip of his tongue right now, about to be spewed. I don't want to be spewed. Then, on some occasions, I almost do want that. I've begun swearing again. I'm not necessarily of the mind that one can never use cuss words, but it's becoming habit again, and it's just not an attractive habit in which to engage. I even said, "Jesus!" the other day when I was disgusted at something. I couldn't believe that happened.

I've begun wondering if maybe all this stuff call faith is just an irriational human institution, and how could God inseminate a virgin, and did Jesus really do miracles, etc.....

Then, I was just on the phone with my mother, who is totally on fire for the Lord. They've been going to a new church in my hometown, and that pastor is completely devoted to missions. Today apparently he made the statement, "Either you're for Jesus, or you're against Him. Either you go out and make disciples of the world, or you don't. It was a commision, not a suggestion." At first that didn't phase me a whole lot - I mean, yeah, I thought, "Wow, I'm not much of a Christian anymore...wonder if I ever was...." Then, it occurred to me:

I've been trying to make my faith real to me and experience a relationship with God and develop a deep prayer life, and all these things are about ME! That's not what Jesus came to do - he didn't die so that we could sit on our comfy-ass leather sofas, drink mojitos, and talk about how we feel distant from God, so he must be ignoring me. No, damnit, his message was to seek and to save the lost, to go and tell others about him, to make disciples of ALL the world! That's NOT ABOUT ME! We are such selfish creatures. SO SELFISH. It's so disgusting - I hate my selfishness. Hate it. So, why would I be experiencing a deep relationship with God, when I'm not out there, meeting people who need to hear about him, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, being Jesus to the world?! Why?! Why would God ever bless me for sitting in my posh apartment, bemoaning my pathetic spiritual life, when I'm not doing a damn thing for him!?! I've been bamboozled. We all have. The Enemy came and said that it's all about me, and my security and my salvation, not about advancing the kingdom of God. Damn, he's good. Cause isn't that what America is about? Self.

Well, I want no part of that anymore. This isn't just Heather saying,"Oh, I'm going to go volunteer at the soup kitchen tomorrow," yet never call and never do anything. This is a matter of life and death, and it is my opinion that if I'm going to live abundantly and have eternal life with the Father, then I better start acting like I belong to him.

You know how there are stages of the faith life, right? Well, the baby part is where you learn all the good stuff, and feel all the grace, and are on fire (this is my own opinion). But I think I just went through the adolescent part, where I laugh in God's face, and don't talk to him for days or weeks, or tell him what he wants to hear, or act like a moron (like a teenager).

I think I just graduated high school.

Here Comes Saturday!!!!

It's Friday. I love the feeling of Friday. There's a bit of sweet anticipation for the favorite day of the week (which is less than 15 hours away right now). I plan to use my Saturday to read and clean up the mess in the apartment. And of course, sleep in a little bit. Oh! And I want to work on my tan....

I'm sitting in our second bedroom, which is the guest bedroom/office/storage room, and just thought to myself, "What if in about 40 weeks we still live here and have to find room to put a baby in this chaos?!?!" I used to freak out about having a baby in an apartment. I still don't want to, but the issue is less of an issue. I guess I've come to terms with our situation, and really don't care anymore. Sure, I'd love to have a house, but who gives a flip where you live, really? Our apartment is very nice, heat is free, electricity is cheap because there's not much to electrify, and to be quite honest, I'm SO sick of trying to keep up with the whole materialistic mentality of American living, that parts of me want to do something radically different, like, live in a tree, or some such thing. Now, that said, I REALLY don't want to live in a tree, but I have seen pictures of cool tree houses. Somehow, though, with the wind in Fargo, I don't think it would be as viable here...

We had our philosophical discussion group last night. The topic was feminism, which, at first, I thought, "Oh, I'm not uber-interested in this topic." However, once I started doing some digging, I realized that every single area of my life is affected by what the feminists did in the 60's & 70's AND what the third wave of feminists are doing now, which is ruining men, but that's another post. All in all, it was a really good discussion, even though it was mostly me and Erin talking, with Sara and Holly interjecting a few thoughts now and then. A lot of people couldn't make it. I think Erin is disappointed with this fact, as is understandable - she formed the group and a bunch of people said they'd do it. But, Erin's husband, Billy joined us for part of the time last night and he added a lot to the conversation. Billy is hilarious. He does funny little impressions of people, and it just makes you laugh.

I've been working for the credit counseling agency this week, because one of the women is on vacation to Alaska. It's a mundane job - not horrible - but I'm glad I'm a therapist, and not a, well, I'm not sure what her title is...someone who sits in front of a computer all day, sending proposals to credit card companies, asking for leniency with people's credit card debt. However, I must say that there is something to be said for the gratification of getting your work done every day and leaving it at the office. My work is never done, and my clients walk about in my head for hours after I see them.

Well, I have to go get myself dressed and presentable so I can go sit in front of a computer. There are perks to this - I can listen to KS95.com, and check my email at random.

I'm going to wear my new favorite pants today. I love favorite pants.

I do requests...

I got a request for more farm pictures...so, here they are!
If you look closely, you can see a rabbit in the grass.
















This is my parent's house from the front! I love that you can't even see it for the trees! (The pond is over to the left of the house - you can see 3 lawn chairs sitting there...)
















Purple Cone Flower.

















The apple tree.















More pond, and, of course, us!

A Visual Tour of My Weekend

First, we had lunch at Noodles & Co. with Mike.

Then we went home to my parent's farm. It may be the last time I see the beautiful farm in the summertime. It was really sad to me. This is the view from the yard.

This is the pond my parents built 5 years ago.

My parents and my husband sitting by the pond.

The flower beds on the east side of the house.

A beautiful day lily.

Kelly's wedding on Saturday! From the left:

Kelly, Ann, Jonathan (Ann's husband), Bradi, Greg (Bradi's husband), part of Chris' head, me, Jolene (pregnant!!), Sara, Jess. It was so much fun!

Jolene and Sara: The Cleavage Sisters

Me and my Sara-girl, the crazy dancing woman!

Well, that's enough pictures for now. There's more, and several that didn't turn out, unfortunately. The funny thing was that about 8 people didn't recognize me cause my hair is apparently more blonde than normal, and it's straight, which it's never been in all the time most of these people have known me. It was amusing! There was also a great picture of me and Chris, but I can't find it right now. If I do, I'll post it later, cause I really liked it.

We drove for a total of 17 hours between 8:30 am Friday, and 8:00pm Sunday. It was craziness, but it was a lot of fun.

Kelly and Micah, best wishes to you for a wonderful life together!

Jolene, congratulations on the bun in your oven!!

Now it's time to go back to work. Bah.

Tidbits

Today is Wednesday, and it is a beautiful day, in every way possible! There is sunshine outside, I'm in a great mood, and I get to meet with my mentor today. Mentor has been gone for 6 or 7 weeks, so it will be fun to catch up. This pleases me. I also must make a pie tonight for potluck lunch at work tomorrow.

This morning I went to a Networking group with Darla at 7:00 am(!!!) just to see what it was like and to hand out business cards. I thought it was really interesting. At this point, I'm trying to evaluate whether this would be a beneficial group for me to meet with weekly. Most of the other people there were in the service industry - printers, oil companies, contractors, etc. I suppose I'm in the service industry also, to an extent, but very different from these! They all seemed very nice, and all said they would sign up for marriage counseling!!! (This is a response I often get when I introduce myself as a marriage therapist!!!)

My new blue fish is doing quite well, and I think I'm going to name him Pig. He wants to be fed everytime I come close to the tank! A few days ago he ate at least 12 little pellets of food. I'm afraid the frog is going to starve, because the fish is eating all the food I put in the tank! Poor frog!

This weekend we're travelling to Iowa to one of my girlfriend's weddings. I think I mentioned this in a previous post. It'll be great to see my old friends from college. They're like my sisters. It's so great.

I'm contemplating switching to all organic produce. Why? Well, the main reason is that I'm suspicious that all the pesticides on the fruit and the hormones in the meat and milk are contributing to the massive amounts of infertility that I'm encountering in my friends' lives. I'm also looking into purchasing household products from a manufacturer in Idaho that makes non-toxic, environmentally friendly cleaning products, i.e. laundry detergent, dish soap, hair spray, vitamins, etc, etc...

I met with a really nice girl this morning from the Area Woman magazine in Fargo. I'm considering advertising with them. It's a free magazine about what's happening in the area concerning women. It's really interesting and I think it could be a great place to advertise.
I hope we can afford to do it!

So, I switched from drinking lattes every morning (which made my stomach hurt) to drinking light frappucinos. I had a tall caramel light frapp this morning and I currently feel like vomiting. I'm actually hoping that this is a sign that I'm pregnant, but honestly, I think it's way too early for that to be happening. I think I'm just going to have to quit my addiction. In fact, this morning when I walked into the office, Joe, our credit counselor, said, "Is there any morning where you don't walk in with a beverage?!" I sheepishly said, "No....I don't think so!" But I blamed it on his brother who works at Starbucks, and gave us free gift cards to use at the new store in town!

I'm coming to the conclusion that I want to be a full time stay at home mom. I love working very minimally, like I am right now. Eight hours is a long freaking time to spend in an office all day long. So, I'm currently searching for ways for me to earn money from home! Also, I'm thinking I'd like to home school my children. This seems like a terribly daunting task to me, but, considering I am a fairly intelligent person, I could probably do it with little problem. I would just hate for my kids to develop my study habits!! Chris is concerned that home schooled children are often socially awkward. That does concern me, as well, however, as social as the two of us are, it would be hard to imagine that we wouldn't have them out, doing things all the time.

The radio station I am currently listening to (105.1) does an 80's flashback noon hour, and I hate it. Those of you who've known me for a long time, know my hatred for 80's music! The last song they just played was "Send me an Angel!" HAR! Now it's Prince...good Lord.

Shopping for jeans. I will never, ever succeed in figuring this out, even after watching 100 episodes of "What Not to Wear." I got really close, though, last week, when I went to the Gap. I cannot wear Gap jeans. I have a small waist and very womanly hips, if you know what I mean. Well, Gap jeans are made for people who do not have small waists, I guess, because whenever I try on women's Gap jeans, they GAP in the back, so that when I sit down in them, there's my underwear, for all the world to see! So, I happened to think to myself, "Self, why don't you try on some men's jeans?!" So I did. I grabbed what I thought was my size, and lo and behold, they fit! Perfect in the waist, perfect in the butt and hips, and a boot cut leg. Very nice. So I bought them. Then I got them home and wore them with shoes. I realize instead of 30'' inseams, I should have at least tried 31'' or 32''. But, they're not so bad that I look like I'm waiting for a flood, and I'm probably the only person who notices, but that's frustrating to say the least. And, there's this bit of excess material in the crotch, which I find highly amusing...

I got a coupon in the mail for $20 if I transfer a prescription to Walgreen's. Heck yea! I'll transfer prescriptions to Walgreen's for $20! Plus, the little pharmacy I normally go to never has what I need on hand, it seems. How annoying. Having worked in a small pharmacy when I was a teenager, I understand the fact that you can't stock everything in great quantities, and I want to support local businesses, but still, twenty bucks is twenty bucks!

I think I'm going to go to the Knitty Gritty and buy some new yarn so I can make felted bowls. I've not been able to find natural yarns at Hobby Lobby or Michael's. I need an excuse to go over there anyway, cause frankly, I'd rather give the KG my business! They are awesome. The name in and of itself is awesome!

Well, I believe this concludes my broadcast for the day. 10-4.

Labotomy

All I can think about is having a baby.

What the crap?!

It hit me last week, like a ton of bricks.

Only this time I don't want it to go away....

That's labotomy numero uno.

As for labotomy numero dos, I suddenly find myself wanting to stay in Fargo.

What the crap?!

It hit me last week like a ton of bricks.

All I can say is that God is doing things to my brain/heart. And...I think it's....good.

So, now begins the hard work of marketing myself to the Fargo/Moorhead community, as a Christian Counselor. If any of you have ideas, please feel free to divulge them to me. I'm not the best when it comes to marketing myself. I need all the reinforcements I can get!!!

Next Friday we will be leaving town to go to Iowa. First it's 6.5 hours home to my parent's abode, then it's 2.5-3 hours east to Luxemburg, where my friend, Kelly, is getting hitched.

At the moment, I'm quite proud of myself: my computer crashed at some point in the past 24 hours, and I've figured out how to download the stuff to fix it! YAY!

My mother had an MRI this morning for her back issues. For those who don't know, she slipped on the ice a year and a half ago, and while she didn't fall, she wrenched her back. It started to get better, but two weeks later, was lifting some cases of pop at work, and her back went nuts-o. That one little act led to 3 months off work, 8 months of working part time, a personal trainer, medication, physical therapy, heating pads, more medication, a huge weight gain, and more medication. I'm thoroughly disgusted that her doctor did not order an MRI the first time he saw her. No, I had to call and ask him to do it, because this is flipping ridiculous. I'll stop there, because I could get very worked up about this. Anyway, they'll have answers next Friday, apparently.

I'm on fish #3 now. I went back to blue. I've had better luck with the blue ones. I think I'm not going to name this one.

I came home at noon today cause I was done working, and sat on my balcony, reading my fertility bible entitled, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." I now know more about my cervix than I ever cared to know.

Just thought I'd leave you with that mental picture...

Stupid Fish

So, I bought a new fish last Thursday. I named him Oscar. I even bought him a "companion," a little frog named Kermie. Then, on Monday night, he decides to die. Are you kidding me?!?! Oh well. I currently have the dead fish in a plastic baggie in my car, which must be over 100 degrees, sitting out in the sun...mmmm...boiled dead fish... ew. Let's not go there.

Well, the weekend with my parents went fairly well. As well as can be expected. My mother (I've officially decided) has the desire to attach herself to me. I don't understand her, and I'm afraid I never will. I'm not going to go into details, but it was frustrating. And I survived Sunday with my in-laws. I spent the afternoon in the fishing boat with the men. I knit a dishcloth. And I got a sunburn, which is good, because I needed some color!

Over the past two weeks, I have fallen heavily off my diet. I'm afraid I will not get back on the wagon! Today it was chocolate at home, a donut at work, and leftover rhubarb crisp that I'd brought from home. Will it never end?!?!

Last night was fireworks, of course. We went with our friends, Josh and Wendy. It was at Moorhead State University, and it was the best display of fireworks I have ever seen, I think. And the best part? No mosquitoes! They must have watered the lawns with chemicals, because I think I saw ONE the whole night.

I'm disappointed that I cannot attend our religion and philosophy discussion group this Thursday night. I have to drive to the Cities that day to go to the doctor. Nothing huge, just tummy issues. I'm not really looking forward to driving 7 hours that day. Or spending money on gas...

Gadget of the day: Gator Downspout Cover! Isn't he ferocious!!??

Well, I will leave you with this thought:
30% of Americans have intestinal parasites.